The Great Escape
by Arizonafan
Summary: Arizona is a put together PED's surgeon and Callie has a painful past. Does love and hope look the same in different social statuses?
1. Chapter 1

Alright guys, I am back at it. I am having a super hard time finishing Love You Through It and am getting pretty frustrated with it. This story is something I have been toying with for a while so I figured I would get it out and maybe ideas will start flowing for my unfinished story. I don't plan on this one being that long. I want to know what you think. Should I scrap it? Does it have promise? Is it too off base? Let me know. Thank you guys. And thanks for all the love on Love You Through It. There will be an update soon. I promise!

Arizona's POV

"She is going to need a CT and labs stat. Find me when you get the results." The ER nurse tries to object but with a swipe of my finger her protests stop and I am out of the door. I hate being the bitch. I hate the demands. But tonight, that is all that I can muster. A 12 hour shift ended with a school bus crash so the last six hours have been in the ER instead of my normal, slower paced surgical ward. With the exceptions of bumps on a few heads and more terrified parents than I can count, we have fared pretty well. Nothing too bad, nothing too time consuming. I am about to wrap up my stint in the ER when the staff Doctor grabs me by the arm.

"Dr. Robbins, if you can spare a few minutes I could really use your Ped's expertise on bed 9". He is walking away from me before I can protest so with a heavy sigh and a check of my watch, I am on his heels. When he throws back the curtain my breath catches in my throat.

Callie's POV

"How much tonight, hun?"

"It's slow. Monday's. Creeps aren't on the prowl tonight I guess." I give Monique a pat on her leg before walking past her to my "office". As silly as it sounds, calling it my office adds a slightest bit of dignity and formality to my line of work. I lean against the light pole, give a wink to a few passing motorists, and before ya know it, I got a bite.

I lean into the window and give my best smile. "What ya lookin' for, hun?" He motions me into his car and I oblige. The clean cut, well built, younger man does not fit my usual clientele, but who am I to judge? "It's going to be 200 for two hours. Anything you want. Deal?" With a nod of his head I pop a piece of gum into my mouth and pull protection out of my purse. Maybe Monday's won't be so bad after all. "We stay in the car. I don't do beds. There is an alley off of 9th where we can go. And I…"

"I'll be the judge of where we go?" I hear his voice for the first time and it is gruff and harsh. He hasn't looked at me since I got in the car. Weird. But hey, who isn't.

"Oh ok, you want to be in control?" I speak to him in my sultry voice, all the while rolling my eyes while facing the window. "I like a man in control." That is really a joke. None of these guys want to be in control. They may play the part for a few minutes but they all end up the same way. I let my eyes roam to the passing streets and buildings and see 9th street fly by outside the window. "Hey you missed" I am silenced with a hard blow to my face. I lose my breath as my head hits the window and I immediately taste blood.

"I told you I decide where we go."

Arizona's POV

"Jesus, who did this to you?" I whisper to the lifeless, battered form laying before me. Stepping next to Dr. Andrews, I allow the nurses to flutter around me, hanging fluids, checking vitals, assessing for fractures. "I am sorry sir, but uh, this is not a PEDs case."

"It might be" he retorts, lifting the woman's shirt to show a swollen abdomen.

"Pregnant?" With a shrug of his shoulders I grab my stethoscope and silence the room with a raise of my finger. I begin checking the patient's abdomen for a fetal heartbeat. Without knowing how far along she may or may not be, it is nearly impossible to determine if I should even hear a second heartbeat, but finding one is good news so I try anyway. Nothing. "I need an ultrasound." Dr. Andrews silently appoints one of his nurses to fetch my machine with a point of his finger and she runs out of the room, another nurse taking her spot at the bedside. I remove my stethoscope from my ears, prompting Dr. Andrews to do the same. "So what's her story?"

"Street walker. She has been in a time or two before. Comes across the wrong guy and ends up here bruised and bloody. When she wakes up she will leave saying she didn't ask to be brought here in the first place. She never gives us any information, doesn't carry an ID. I wouldn't be surprised if she is just dodging the bill. Leaving before we can find out who she is." My heart sunk in my chest. What kind of life must she have had to only have this to turn to?

As quickly as the nurse exited she is back with the ultrasound machine. I hastily raise the patient's shirt again and cover her lower abdomen with gel, searching for a fetal heartbeat. Nothing. I don't hear a thing. I search the screen for several minutes for the smallest of embryo's that might still be viable. But there is nothing. She isn't pregnant. I breathe a sigh of relief and relay my findings to Dr. Andrews. He nods in understanding and I replace my probe back onto the machine. Out of habit I grab a towel and begin to wipe away the gel from the dark skin of her abdomen. My eyes roam to her bruised face and I can't help but look at her closed eyes. Her cheeks are stained with mascara streaks and her hair is a mess. She really could be a pretty girl without all that make-up. "Alright Dr. Best of luck with this one." I give him an apologetic smile and throw my towel onto the discarded machine. As I make my way to the door I hear the all too familiar sounds of a waking patient. The nurses immediately begin restraining her arms and legs as they begin flailing and Dr. Andrews instinctively grabs her lower jaw to keep her from jarring her neck. Her eyes are wide and searching as she claws at the lines that have been put into her arms. I can hear the strain in her voice as she tries to lift herself from the table. I am back at the bedside in less than a second trying to keep her from hurting herself further. Dr. Andrews gruffly gives demands for her to be still and stop moving but it only seems to make her actions more violent.

"Hey, hey, hey. You are ok." I lean over the table and her big brown eyes lock onto mine. "Hey, I am Dr. Robbins." My voice is soft and slow, a technique to calm the tiny human that I see every day. It seems to take affect. "Hey, there you go. Just relax. We will get you out of here as soon as possible. Can you tell us what happened?" Her eyes remain locked with mine as she quickly shakes her head, as much as Dr. Andrews will allow. Her eyes well with tears and I instinctively shush her and find her hand to comfort her. I do not have much experience with adult patients, but contact usually works for my kids so I just go with it. Within seconds she is calmer. I explain to her as much as I can about what the nurses are doing to her and one by one they let go of her arms and legs. It isn't long before she is lying still on the table with her eyes closed, tears slipping from the corners. I look to Dr. Andrews, "Ok, you got this?" He nods and I give the woman's hand a squeeze and let go. I am not able to take two steps from the bedside when the patient begins flailing again. The staff springs into action and hurls a slew of demands at her. I am back at her side within a second and find the same warm hand that I held just seconds ago. When my eyes find hers again she calms. "Ok, alright. I'll be right here, ok? Just calm down. Let them help you." The woman takes a jagged breath and clenches her eyes tight. I should have left when I had the chance.


	2. Chapter 2

Callie's POV

The pain in my head is unbearable. My eyes are closed but I can feel light beaming through my eye lids like they aren't even there. I try to squint but the pressure sends a shooting pain from my temple to behind my left eye. My face winces in pain which only causes more intense and shooting pain in almost every part of my face. I grit my teeth and try to calm myself with a few deep breaths. This is not the first time I have woken up like this. And from the smell, I guess it was bad enough to land me in the ER again. Just what I need. All I want is to go back to sleep but I know I have to get up and get going. I open, well, try to open, my eyes but I am only able to see out of the right one. The left is swollen almost shut and I am only able to open it enough to see my own eyelashes and a slit of reality. I try to hoist myself up to a sitting position in the bed but something is wrapped around my hand. I pull to try to free it from the restraint but it only serves to tighten around my palm. That is when I see her.

Arizona's POV

Well Patient X is out of the woods. Nurses have been in an out for the past hour or so checking her vitals and cleaning her up. She has had a death grip on my poor hand for about two hours now. Granted she was sleeping, but when I explained to her how important that particular hand is for saving babies, she eased up a little bit. Her left hand now rests palm down on her bed clutching my fingers. My thumb is playing over the delicate skin of the back of her hand. It has a different tone than her face. Maybe it is the bruising, maybe it is the makeup. But the olive tone of her hands fit her much more beautifully than the layers of base and blush. She really is a pretty girl. It is a shame that her life has turned to this. Or always has been this. Or whatever. I can't speculate. And I am not really sure why I want to. She could have an honest job. I mean look at her. She could be an actress, she could be a model. She could be… anything. Why this? Why settle for this? Not knowing if you will end up in a hospital or dead. I shake the thoughts from my mind and think about leaving for the tenth time in the past two hours. Don't get me wrong. I like helping. And if I can be a calming force then I will oblige. I have done it for the kids on my watch countless times. I am just tired and ready to be home. It's hard to justify asking for overtime to hold a hooker's hand. Oh well. I grab the gauze from the tray behind me and try to clean some of the dried blood that the nurses missed. I didn't like the way they were going about it, anyway. Her face has to hurt and is still swelling but they were scrubbing like they were cleaning a countertop. It had to have hurt. She has a small cut on her bottom lip and a larger cut abover her left eyebrow. It won't need stitches but still needs to be cleaned. After soaking the gauze in saline, I squeeze the excess back into the saline tray and hold the gauze in my hand for a few seconds, warming it. I am as gentle as possible but her eyebrows still scrunch together each time I touch her face. I am lost in thought about nothing in particular when the patient starts to stir and pull her hand away from me. I tighten my grip, hoping that it will soothe her and she will fall back asleep. The pain that I see in her face makes me grimace and I begin stroking the back of her hand with my thumb while shushing her. As her eyes open as much as the swelling will allow, I offer her a smile and sit up straight, prepared to explain myself.

Callie's POV

She is literally the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her blonde hair is tied up in a messy pony tail and her skin is light and smooth. I don't even think she has any make-up on. Her name tag says Dr. Robbins. Cute. And it has stickers of butterflies on it. Weird but kind of cute. And then she looks at me with piercing blue eyes and I feel instant fluttering in my stomach. Something that I have not felt in years. Snap out of it Torres, she is just a pretty girl. Woman. Lady. She is a pretty lady. You don't see much of those on a daily basis. Then she does it. She raises her eyebrows and fake smiles at me and my hand feels colder than it ever has when she takes hers away. She is judging me. I can tell by her eyes. The same eyes that I was just admiring are now casting judgment and I know it. I feel it. I can tell by the way she is staring at me. The fluttering in my stomach stops and emptiness replaces it. I have to get out of here. If Dr. Robbins thinks I am going to sit here and wait for another lecture from a privileged, know-it-all, snobby doctor then she is mistaken. I push myself up to a full sitting position and am hit with thick fog that makes my stomach turn. I grimace and let my head fall back to the pillow before I vomit. I try to focus on the darkness, anything but the smell and the pain in my head. Then I feel her stand beside me. Soft fingers are in my hair and I hear soft shushing sounds close to my ear. That feeling in my stomach comes back and replaces my nausea and I find myself relaxing at the sound of her voice. She is good. Her fingers smooth my hair over my pillow and every now and then I can feel her thumb on my forehead or my cheek. Just another hour of sleep, maybe. Then I will be out of here. Her caresses work to put me to sleep but, missing the contact of her hand on mine, I reach toward her and find the warm, dark blue fabric of her scrub top. I slip my fingers under the bottom hem and take a handful of the fabric into my palm. Just another hour, then I am out of here.

The Next Day

Arizona's POV

Last night was rough. Four hours of sleep and back at the grind this morning. I make my rounds and make small talk with a few little patients on my floor before heading to the cafeteria to grab breakfast. That patient has been on my mind since I left here last night. I called for some more pain meds after she woke up and the nurses put it through her IV so she never even knew. When she was asleep enough to let go of my scrub top, I told her that I would be back this morning and to sleep well. She didn't respond but I hope she heard me. It has to be rough being her. Doing what she does. My trip to the cafeteria leads me straight to the ER which doesn't surprise me. I have been arguing with myself over whether I should check on her today or not. There is nothing wrong, ethically, with checking on her. She just isn't my patient. She isn't a PEDs case. So why am I even concerned? I make my way to her curtain and straighten my jacket and top, running a hand over my hair before peeking around to her bed. I had every intent of explaining to her why I stayed last night, every intent of giving her a good talking to about her lifestyle, every intent of giving her resources to keep her safe. But I didn't have the chance. She was gone. In her place was an older male in a sling with his family at his bedside, a far cry from who occupied the bed just hours ago. So I walked to the nurse's station and get the attention of the first one I see. "Hey, what happened to bed 9? The woman from last night." I am met with an odd look but the nurse finds a chart from her desk and flips to the first page.

"AMA. She left. Didn't get her prescription or sign herself out." Go figure. The nurse takes note of my expression and narrows her gaze. "If you need her, go look at the corner of 3rd and Norfolk. She will be there in all of her glory as soon as the sun goes down." I recognize her voice as sarcasm and question my motive to defend the patient. I am back on my way to the cafeteria without a word. Oh well. So much for helping the downtrodden. Maybe next time.

Callie's POV

I had to get out of that hospital. I didn't ask to go there. I would have been fine alone. It wouldn't be the first time. Now I missed out on a whole nights pay. And I owe the boss 400 as it is. It was some good sleep though. Probably the best that I have gotten in years. I usually don't stay the night in the ER. I stay just long enough for them to leave me alone and then I am gone. But let's face it, the seats in the Honda aren't getting any more comfortable. It was nice to have a pillow. And a sheet. And someone beside me. But I could tell what she thought about me. She was probably just waiting for me to wake up so she could tell me what to do with my life. Like she knows anything about my life. Little does she know that I am doing just fine. I don't even know why I care what she thinks anyway. I find the keys to my car just where I left them in the alley behind 7th. It is good practice not to keep them with you just in case something happens. Much like last night. I collect my keys and walk toward where I last parked my car. When I turn the corner there he is. The boss. Leaning against the hood of my car waiting. It does no good to run or hide. He always knows where to find me. And I know what is coming. He has already warned me. Maybe if I make my case and show him what happened he will understand and give me another night. But when his eyes meet mine, I know that was wishful thinking. He cracks his knuckles as he begins taking slow steps toward me. "Look boss, let me just explain, ok? I have 100, I can get you the rest tonight. Before midnight. I am good for it."

"You told me that last night. Where is my money."

He is angry. "I have 100. That's all. You can have it. Right now. You can have it." I know that my voice sounds frantic which is not very becoming. He stands almost a foot taller than me and has about 80 pounds on me. I don't stand a chance. And he knows it. I only have one option. "Come on baby… you know I am good for it." I reach out and grab the waist band of his pants, pulling him into me. "I can make up the rest. You tell me what you want." The thought of sleeping with him makes my stomach turn, but I know what my options are. And he usually takes me up on the offer to knock a few hundred off of what I owe him. He seems to be coming around so I lean in to press my lips to his neck.

"Get the fuck off of me." He pushes me hard but I keep my footing. I go back for a second try, knowing it is the only thing I can offer to settle my debt. "What are you deaf AND stupid," he asks while pushing me back again. "You look disgusting. You think I want that? I want my money. Not your body, which leaves a lot to be desired now that I actually look at it." He sneers at me and I feel instant rage. Those feelings are suppressed as quickly as they come.

"Come on, boss. I can give it to you real…" There it is again. Another blow to my face. This time the right side. The shooting pain streaks to my jaw and I fall to the ground, covering my face and head. Today, just like every time before, I go away to another time and place. I think of anything that I can to get away from where I am right now. And this time, I went back to her.


	3. Chapter 3

Arizona's POV

My first surgery of the day went well. I have one more scheduled. I don't know if it is runner's high or what but, ya know how when your body is absolutely drained and you think you can't go any more but on comes a burst of energy and you push through? Well that is where I am. Come to think of it, it is probably the four cups of coffee after breakfast. Runners high, caffeine overdose. Eh, same shit. I have thought about Patient X a lot today. I just wonder where she is, what her story is, if she is safe. I can't imagine anyone I know going through that alone, if she even is alone. For all I know that was her boyfriend that did that to her. I wish I could have gotten her name. But oh well, she is just another chart. Can't save them all. I just can't help but wonder why I was able to calm her so much. Why she trusted me.

I tried to catch up on some rounds before my last surgery so that I can head home early but just as I am about to start I get paged to the ER. It's not a 911 so I hurry through my rounds and head down to the first floor. I greet the charge nurse as I exit the elevator and ask her about the page. "Bed 1," is her only response. I walk toward the bed and pull back the curtain expecting to find a little human under the sheets. But instead, it's her. And it's worse than before.

A staff doctor and nurse are cleaning and assessing for fractures in her face and she has a death grip on both rails of the bed. The doctor motions me over and I stand beside him, taking note of her clenched shut eyes and swollen face. "She keeps saying your name. Over and over. Do you know her?" The doctor looks at my quizzically and I am suddenly at a loss for an answer. What kind of self-respecting doctor would associate with a hooker and if I tell him that I know her that is exactly what he will think. But if I say no then how do I explain her asking for me. A mistake? Another Dr. Robbins?

"Yes." With my word her eyes open and she finds me, standing at the head of her bed. She takes a deep, ragged breath and tears fill her eyes. My arms are folded over my chest, a common practice in the ER when you aren't gloved. She lets go of the rail and reaches toward me, finding only my jacket but taking a handful and holding it tightly. She knocks me off balance as she pulls me toward the side of her bed causing both staff members to look at me. "Just, give me a second, ok?" They both nod and step behind the curtain. I quickly pull up a seat and replace my jacket in her hand with my own. "Jesus, again?" She clenches her eyes shut again but it does little to stop the stream of tears from escaping. She opens her mouth several times to say something but settles for just a nod of her head. This woman... this patient in front of me... I don't even know her name but my heart breaks into a million pieces at her pain. I hold her right hand with my left and stroke her hair away from her face with my right. "Tell me what happened. Why were you asking for me? Who did this to you?" Her tears fall harder and her chin quivers at my questions. "Ok, ok. You don't have to tell me. Just relax, ok? Let um... lets start with something easier. Is anything hurting? Besides the obvious? Can I get you some meds? Water? Anything?" She shakes her head. We sit in silence for several minutes until her breathing calms and her tears slow.

"What's... what's your name, Dr. Robbins?" That was the first time I heard her voice. It was low and strained. It was sultry but shaking. It was... beautiful.

"Um... I'm Arizona. What's your name?" I ask, half expecting an answer and half expecting a "fuck off". Her voice breaks.

"Ca...I'm Callie."

"That's a pretty name, Callie. It fits you." I smile at the patient… at Callie and she holds my gaze for only a few seconds before awkwardly looking away. She looks at the curtains surrounding her and at her monitors. She glances to our hands several times before I begin to feel that she is uncomfortable and promptly let go. When I do she bites her bottom lip, probably out of habit, and grunts as her teeth find the newly split skin. She runs her tongue over her bottom lip, feeling the damage. It was not an intentional sexy act, it wasn't even something that she meant for me to see. But I did. And wow. I can see how she could stay in business. And that thought disgusted me. I felt horrible for thinking about her in that way. Especially if it led her to this. But I couldn't stop staring. She was… breath taking.

Callie's POV

I don't remember anything after shielding myself from his kicks. He apparently landed one to my mouth because that shit is ruined. The cops found me. Again. Called me all sorts of derogatory names and dropped me at the hospital door. Again. I didn't even fight this time. I know they don't mean it. They have offered me help more times than I can count. Putting me up in shelters, giving me money and NOT expecting favors, talking to me when no one else would. But they are fed up. And I get that. I am fed up, too. They arrest me when they have to and look the other way when they can. They always find me. They always get me help. But I know that they feel that it is a losing battle. That they will find me dead one day and all of their time will have been wasted. And to be honest, I am quite certain that will happen as well.

I don't really remember much, just that I wanted her to be with me again. I honestly thought they would just ignore what I was asking and go about their business. But the one, the tall guy with the soft voice, he always listens. So I kept asking. For her. And she came. I don't know what it is about her or why I felt comfortable with her there. She didn't do anything that others haven't done. But when she talked to me I just felt better. Not safe, so much. Just better. And when I heard her voice again I had to feel her. To smell her perfume again. To feel her skin again. To see her eyes. Those were the last things I saw in my head before everything went black this morning. To say that I was emotional would be an understatement. This woman has seen me cry more in the last 24 hours than my mother has seen since I was 5. She runs off a list of questions. None of which I am attempting to answer at this moment. I asked her name, trying to change the subject. Arizona. I like it. And she asked mine. Such a simple question, right? Except I haven't had to answer that question in a long time. The people I know don't care. I am "whoever you want me to be, baby". That's who I am, what I've made myself. Except for in that moment. I would have given anything to stay "Callie" for a few minutes longer.

She brushes her fingertips across the knuckles of my hand, causing me to flinch more so because of the contact than the pain. It feels like ages since she spoke last and when she does her voice is different. In place of her calming, child-like inflection, she speaks now in just above a whisper. "At least you fought back." I look to the scrapes and bruises on my hand and laugh sarcastically just before meeting her eyes. I was going to tell her that I fought back. Was going to tell her that the bastard got what he deserved. But I know she would see right through it. But I couldn't say it, still. I couldn't say that I've learned that it just gets worse when you fight back. I couldn't tell her that I couldn't fight because, asshole or not, he gives me food and a place to sleep when I need it. I couldn't tell her that I've learned how to accept it. I couldn't say it. So with as much of a smile as my swollen mouth would allow, I just took her hand and looked away. "Yeah, I fought back."


	4. Chapter 4

Arizona's POV

The next few hours were spent sitting with Callie while she slept. The doctors and nurses would come in and out. She was taken to X-ray and CT to check out the injuries to her head and face, and each time that she went I expected not to see her being wheeled back, but each time there she was. I had to sneak out a few times to make rounds or answer a page. But each time that I got back, she was still there. We didn't talk. She spent most of the time sleeping and trying to find comfortable positions. And I was ok with that. And I almost dreaded having to leave for my last surgery knowing that once she had an easy out, she would take it. She had just curled up on her right side, knees to her chest and her face deep in the soft pillow. My feet were propped up on her bedside table as I was flipping through the chart for my next kid. I was confident. I always am. And then it came time to leave. I could tell Callie was sleeping by her even and deep breaths. She also had not repositioned herself in the past thirty minutes. As quietly as I could I stood up, replaced my chair against the wall, and leaned over her bedside. I leaned in close to her ear. "I will make you a deal. If you are still here when I am done with my surgery, dinner is on me. Granted its cafeteria food, and its kinda free anyway, but, just stay put. Deal?" With no response I laid my hand on her shoulder before gently pulling the curtain back and heading back to my floor.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Shut up, Karev. I think you forget sometimes… HEAD of PEDs" I point a finger to my own chest and then turn it toward him. "Not head of PEDs. Saver of tiny humans…" I point my finger back into his chest, "Aspires to be as great as the saver of tiny humans. Should I continue?"

"Yea, yea, I get it, respect, blah blah blah. Anyway, I was just hoping to get with you about the case today. I can normally find you in the nursery or in some dying kids room but you have been MIA all day. So, I have really been thinking and I am ready to take the lead on the Jones kid today. And I know what you are going to say, but you know that I'm right. And I learned from the best, right? You will be in the room the whole time, so just let me try it. If I am in over my head I'll scrub out and never ask again."

"Hm" I mock scrutiny just to watch him squirm."… ok!"

"Ok? That's it? No, 'I don't know'. No, 'let me mull it over and make you piss yourself in anticipation'? Just, ok?"

"You are right. You did learn from the best, if I do say so myself. And you are ready. You know the case like the back of your hand. Don't screw it up, Karev."

"Yes! I mean I wont. Yes ma'am." Karev runs off toward the scrub room like he is going to recess and I trail him. He is ready. And his mind is in a much better place than mine today.

#####################

"Well, Dr. Karev. How does it feel? To save a life?"

Karev beams at me through his scrub mask. "Pretty damn good, Dr. Robbins."

"Yes it does. The family is waiting. Go give them the good news." He gives me another smile and heads toward the scrub room to scrub out of our successful surgery. "Karev…good job today. I am proud of you." He nods slightly and continues on his path.

I scrub out as quickly as I can and make my way to the locker room to change clothes. Before I know it, my feet are carrying me to the first floor. Jan greets me from the nurse's station, "Here to see us again, Dr. Robbins? To what do we owe this pleasure?" She is met with a shy smile but I don't return her flirtation. I learned my lesson with her a long time ago. Yikes. I finally reach the curtain to Callie's bed and run a hand over my hair for good measure. I pull back the curtain slowly just in case she is sleeping. But she isn't sleeping. She isn't here. She is gone. Again.

Callie's POV

She stayed with me the entire time. Until she had to go to surgery. She read her chart out loud, twice, beside my bed. And when she left she told me to stay until she got back. So when my curtain being slung open awoke me some time later I figured it was her coming back. But it wasn't. It was the ER doctor there to discharge me. And I had always bailed before this part so I wasn't exactly prepared for what was to come. He brought me into a separate room and sat behind a thousand dollar desk reading off a list of questions from his clipboard that I had no clue how to answer. Address, Health Insurance Provider, Employer, Phone Number, Parent's Address. I don't fucking have any of that. And I told him that. But he thought I was being uncooperative or sarcastic or whatever. For the first damn time I stuck around. I was here. And for this? To be berated by another snobby doctor who doesn't believe me when I tell him that I don't have an address? How about 9th St. alley or Rita's Motel on a good night? How about you send the damn bill to my 1995 Honda Civic? "Look, I am trying my best here, ok? I will come back and pay what I can when I can, you have to understand…" He cuts me off.

"Look ma'am, with all do respect…"

"No. Don't even say it. Because anytime someone starts off with "with all do respect" it is going to be followed with the most condescending shit imaginable. So don't 'ma'am' me. Don't 'with all do respect' me. Just let me sign what I need to sign and I'll be done here." He slips a form to me across his desk with a pen on top of it. I sign my name across the first blank line I come to and walk out of the office and straight toward the exit, holding my breath to keep the tears at bay until I am out of sight of the staff. When I feel the cool air of Seattle at dusk I find the nearest bench and bury my still swollen face into my hands. I sit there for several minutes and try to gather myself for the long walk back to my area. I wish I wouldn't have been so rude to him. I should go and apologize but I know what he thinks of me and I know that I don't want to see that look again. People mill around the outside of the hospital, drifting in and out. None of them acknowledge me, which is perfectly fine with me. I get some odd stares based, I assume, on my clothing. A halter and mini skirt aren't exactly Seattle weather appropriate. But my heels are on the bench behind me so at least no one can see those.

"Hey, what happened in there?" It was Arizona. I wipe my eyes quickly and look up to meet hers.

"Just a, uh, misunderstanding. I was just about to get going." Arizona smiles at me and rubs the chill out of both of my arms.

"Will I see you again? I mean, other than in a hospital bed?" She takes off her jacket and wraps it around my body, pulling it together in the front while she speaks. Before I am able to answer Arizona pulls a vibrating phone out of her pants pocket. "Sorry, one second." She lifts the phone to her ear. I wish I hadn't been listening. It would have made the next few seconds a little less painful. "Sarah, hey, I'm sorry I didn't call, I got held up at work. I'll be home soon, ok?" The phone is back in her pocket within the next second and she gives me a smile that is almost apologetic. "So… what were we saying? Oh yea, will I see…"

"Look, you have been great. I appreciate everything you have done. Really. But we don't need to do this. Go home. To your family. And I will be fine." She opens her mouth to say something but I am not ready to hear whatever it is. "Just… please…I am going to go, ok?" I slip her jacket off of my shoulders and hand it back to her, smiling at her one last time before I turn my back and walk away.


	5. Chapter 5

Paste your docume

Callie's POV

It has been two and a half weeks since I walked away from Seattle Grace and never looked back. I am quite certain that if I had looked back then I wouldn't have made it further than the parking lot before turning around. I miss her. I don't even know the woman's middle name but I miss her. Maybe Monique is right and I just miss the attention. I told her a little bit about Arizona and she validated my concerns, in a not so gentle way. I believe her words were, "What the hell would a doctor want with you?" Yea, told you it wasn't very gentle. But we aren't exactly a gentle crowd in this line of work, if you can call it that. But Monique is right, her girlfriend is probably like a judge or a doctor or a fucking astronaut or something and they live in a million dollar house with dogs and horses and… ugh, I should have never let myself get attached. I should have never read more into it. It just isn't everyday that someone is compassionate and caring and… well…gentle with me. And I liked it. Fell in love with it actually. I pretended that I was asleep the whole last day she was in my room because I didn't want to say something stupid and screw it up. I liked how things were and how she was with me. But I would have just ruined her like I do everything else. And now that I think back on it, I don't even know if she knows that I am gay. How could she? I sleep with guys for a living. Monique knows. I told her a long time ago. And its not that I HATE guys, I mean…. Ok, yea I detest them. But we don't exactly have a lot of females picking us up on street corners. We take what we can get. But ya know, the thing that bothers me is that, I didn't feel like a prostitute when she was with me. I pick up on that stuff pretty easily. She didn't treat me like a leper. She didn't even ask me why or how. She just kind of met me where I was and treated me like a friend. If you want to call holding my hand and running her fingers through my hair "friendly". But whatever. So she led me on… so what? Maybe she wanted the same thing that all my clients want. Maybe she knew that if she swept me off my feet I would give her a free hour or two. I don't know. I don't put it past anyone anymore. Maybe little miss Sarah isn't putting out as much as she should. I have worked up the nerve to go back to that hospital and confront her no less than five times since I left, but each time I start walking that way I lose my nerve. I want to go ask her why. I want to ask her why she had to be the only damn person in my life to throw my emotions into a tailspin like this. Ya know I was fine. I was fine before I went into that hospital. Maybe not physically but I had my shit under control. And now look at me. I am sitting on a curb crying when I should be working. If you think looking like an emotional wreck has guys throwing money at me then you are mistaken. When I slip up like this it usually results in being berated or hit. Some guys like when I cry but it's for sick reasons that I don't even want to think about right now. She was just with me. She made me feel ok to be upset. But her combined 8 hours of being nice to me just makes me feel worse every minute about people out here. It's like you get used to your situation because you don't know any different. But when you find out that there is something else out there, what you have just doesn't seem as great as it did before. She ruined me. 8 hours with her and she ruined me.

Just as I am low enough to put my face in my hands and cry, a car slows to a stop in front of me. His tinted window rolls down and a gray haired man raises an eyebrow at me. Here we go again.

Arizona's POV

I think about her a lot. I check with the ER twice a shift to make sure that they don't need any extra hands but I am pretty sure that they know why I am calling. And it makes me look absolutely pathetic. What else did she want from me? I tried to be nice to her. I tried to get close enough to her to show her that there are alternatives. To show her that she can be so much more than what she is. I tried to show her that people care and want to help her. But she just left. I was extending a huge olive branch by asking to see her outside of the hospital. And she shot me down. Like big time. I thought she was coming around. I thought she was allowing me in. And it frustrates me to no end that I am this hung up on a patient. But she had no one. No family, no friends. And I saw her chart. 6 times she has been brought in for injuries like she had the day I met her. That's insane. Who does that to themselves? People who have no alternatives, that's who. The kids that I work on, they have their whole lives ahead of them. Their parents sit frantic in the waiting rooms waiting for them to come out better than they went in. They care. And the kids do better because of it. They recover quicker, they fight harder, they get better. Callie didn't have that. I don't know if she ever has. And I guess I can't blame her for leaving. If she isn't used to someone caring then maybe she wasn't comfortable. I treid not to make her feel uncomfortable though. But you never know. A few nights ago I went for a drive before heading home and passed by some areas that I thought Callie would frequent. I just thought that if I saw her and saw that she was alive and ok then it would make me feel better. And I did see her. She was leaning against a light pole in a black skirt and some semblance of a blouse and was biting a fingernail. She looked good, from a medical standpoint. The bruising in her face was minimal but I assume that some of it was covered with makeup. And I thought about how much I just wanted to put her in my car and take her somewhere were she didn't have to do this anymore. But she would probably just run away like before. And if there was any possibility of me actually making a move to talk to her again, it was ruined when a gold SUV stopped and blocked my view of her. When the light turned green and the car left, she was gone. I know what happened. And what was supposed to be a check up to make myself feel better turned into a gut wrenching few hours. I was able to clear her from my head when I went home and had to take my mind off of it. It only creeps back into my memory every now and then when I have the time to think. Now is one of those times. On my drive home. I half think about going to check on her again but I don't want to see that again. And if I can't change anything then I would rather not know.

So I take the quick way home tonight. I am pulling up in my driveway in less than five minutes. I have to park short of my garage to move a bike from the concrete before I run over it. Leaving the car where it is, I am as quiet as possible when I unlock my front door. Sarah is cleaning the kitchen and turns to me when she hears me enter.

"Ms. Arizona!"

"Hey, Sarah. How was everything tonight?"

"Oh it was fine. Jacob was a little fussy so we watched Nemo and he was out before his favorite part."

"Oh good. So, same time tomorrow?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Sarah gathers her bag and walks toward my door as I begin finishing the kitchen. "Oh, Ms. Arizona… finals are coming up and I was wondering if it would be ok to have my friend come over and study with me after I put Jake down. If you say no its totally fine."

"That's fine, dear. Good luck studying and I will have your check tomorrow, ok?"

"Yes, ma'am. See you in the morning."

"Alright. See you. Thanks again."

Sarah closes the door behind her and I go and check on my little boy before getting ready for bed.

Be safe, Callie. I am thinking about you.


	6. Chapter 6

Arizona's POV

Today was a rough one. Karev and I lost a four day old on a routine laparoscopy with an intestinal tumor. His pressure bottomed out and it was everything we could do to keep him stable enough to close but he didn't make it. We finished sitting with the family about an hour ago. The rest of our day is free and Jacob is napping in the nursery since Sarah is on vacation. As soon as he wakes up we will be heading home. It will be nice to actually see him awake. Karev and I talked a little outside of the hospital but we try not to dwell on these cases. Tomorrow there will be one that we save and we won't feel like this anymore. So we just look forward to tomorrow. Karev has since gone home and I am enjoying the weather and trying to clear my head on the bench in the courtyard. I asked the nursery to page me when Jacob wakes up so I can relax a little longer. I don't know how long my eyes were closed or if I actually fell asleep, but when a shadow falls over me, blocking the warm sun from my face, I open my eyes. And standing above me with her arms folded is Callie. The sun bends around her frame lighting her hair and blinds me to the features of her face.

"Callie?" When she doesn't answer me I shield my eyes from the sun with my hand and stand to look her in the face. "Callie, are you ok?"

"I am fine."

"Well… what are you doing here? Are you hurt? Do you need to go inside?"

"I missed you." Her words are so quick that I am not certain I heard them correctly.

"You missed me?"

"Yes… well… that's not why I am here. I had some things to tell you. That just kind of… came out I guess. I um… I tried to get jobs, Dr. Robbins. I tried to get jobs at grocery stores and gas stations and motels and you know what happened? Nothing… at all. I didn't get them. I applied for like six jobs but they said they needed a social security number or an address or a damn phone number and they looked at me like I was stupid when I said that I didn't know any of those. I tried to say I forgot my social or I am in the middle of moving or I lost my phone but they knew. And you know what? That pisses me off. It pisses me off that I was fine before I came here. I didn't like what I did but I did it and didn't think twice about it. I knew how to do my job and I was good at it and I didn't hate myself. How in the hell do I spend 8 hours with you and hate myself?" Tears began to run down her face but she made no attempt to wipe them away. Her arms remained folded over her chest. "You did this to me. I was fine, you hear me?"

"Callie… what do you mean I did this? I never said one damn word about what you do!" Now I was upset. She is the one that asked for me. She wanted me to be with her. "I never said one bad word to you!"

"That's the problem, Arizona! That's the problem." For the first time her arms unfold and she wipes at her face. "You were supposed to just fix me up and send me on my way. I have never left here feeling the way that I did. I have never wanted to be different for someone. I have always been ashamed but never so ashamed that I quit. I have never been that ashamed… Or…hopeful." Callie steps past me and sits on the bench, resting her elbows on her knees and staring at her feet. "I am angry with you. And I wanted to tell you that. But I also wanted say thank you. For those few hours I felt like if I was worth something. I felt like I had to be worth something for you to be there. And I know you didn't have to be. So thank you. But I just wanted to let you know that I was fine. I wasn't fine before you came along and I will be fine after."

To say that I am surprised by her anger is an understatement. All that I was trying to do was care. I treated her no different than any other patient. Ok, maybe that isn't true but I never tried to make her feel guilty or ashamed. I never wanted her to feel worse. Callie shakes her head and takes a deep breath just before my pager vibrates on my hip. She sees me check the device as stands. "I don't really have anything else to say. I know you have a life and a job to get back to so I won't keep you any longer."

"Can you just stop? For a second. Just stop being so angry for one second. You have not exactly given me the opportunity to defend myself. Can you just wait three minutes. I have to take care of something but I will be back. Will you be here?" She doesn't answer rather folds her arms again and looks me in the eye. "Just… be here. Ok?" I walk inside the hospital and straight for the nursery. Jacob is handed over to me by one of the workers and I collect his bag and say goodbyes for the day. I don't know if I expect Callie to be waiting when I walk outside or not. But she is. She is in the same position as before with her elbows on her knees and her fingers laced together. During her rant earlier I had not paid any attention to her clothes. Loose fitting sweatpants and a sweatshirt covered nearly every inch of skin in place of her usual skirt and strapless top. Even sweats look good on her. When I drop the diaper bag beside the bench Callie looks up and her face drops.

"That's what I figured," she says.

"What did you figure?"

"Nothing. Look. I am just going to get going. I don't want Sarah giving you a hard time about this and I don't think you want your coworkers knowing that you entertain hookers in emotional states. Congratulations on your family. And… above all else thank you for caring. It fucked me up… but thank you." She gets up and begins to walk away.

"This is Jacob. By the way. Since you didn't ask. Sarah, his babysitter, is a student at Seattle Prep. She did an internship with me for her clinicals and fell in love with him so I hired her to watch him." She turns and looks at me and I look at Jacob, fighting sleep in my arms. "I would have explained all of that to you that night but you left." Callie makes no move to sit so I continue. "If you are wanting to know why… I can't tell you that. I work with kids, Callie. And they are easy. They need a hug after a bad dream or a kiss on a surgical site to make it better. They need to hold your hand to go to sleep because they are afraid when mommy and daddy aren't with them. They are easy. It is what I am used to. I never meant to make things hard for you. Its just… you were alone. Ya know? You were hurt and you were alone and I couldn't imagine going through what you go through. I wanted to care. I wanted you to know that I cared."

"I never asked you to care."

"I know." Callie exhales audibly and sits beside me. We don't speak for what feels like minutes but she laughs lightly when she touches Jacob's bare toes. "He is six months. Small huh? He is the size of a four month old. But he is smart. Alert. And he loves music."

"So… straight huh? Didn't see that coming."

I look at Callie and feign insult. "And why is that?"

"Well… ya know. We can usually pick them out of a crowd."

"Well, I think it is a little early to be talking about sexuality, but… lets just say I have been picked out of crowds before." She smiles shyly at me.

"What's his story then? Drunken night? Sperm bank? Did you think you were going home with a girl and then got a surprise? Because I'll tell ya… that happens waaaay more often than you could imagine." Her words make me laugh and Jacob stirs in my arms. When he begins to whine I grab a pacifier out of his bag and he quiets.

"No… it was no surprise. And definitely not a drunken night. Mr. Jacob here was a state baby. Still is, actually. He was abandoned at birth. He came in at 6 weeks with a bowel obstruction and a bad infection. He was spiking temps so high that he was having seizures. So we had to go in and fix him up. I didn't know his story until he was ready for discharge and when I heard about it, I put in an application to foster. And they approved me. That was three months ago."

"Wow."

"And if you think I just take babies after they get off of my operating table…well I don't. There have been literally thousands of kids in and out of my ward. But he was different. He was a fighter. He would have made any mom proud. We were putting him under and he was fighting it. He was so pissed that we had to give him an IV and he was going to let everyone know it." I laugh reliving those memories. "But I put my finger in his little hand and he held on to it with all of his might. And when he finally went to sleep and they intibated him, he just kept holding on. The surgery was touch and go. We weren't sure how much bowel we could leave and we weren't sure how to get rid of the infection without ruining his system. But he pulled through. He was a champ. Still is. And these kids need someone, ya know? They need someone to be there to make it all better. And he didn't have that."

"He is a lucky kid."

"You could say that. But I think I am pretty lucky, too. Before he came along I was just a doctor. If anyone were to ask me who I am that is all I had. I was a doctor when I woke up, when I went to bed, when I came to work. Now I get to be a mom. At least for a little while. And if I am lucky enough to get him for good, I'll be a mom forever. And that so trumps being a doctor. Trust me." I look to Callie but she is looking at Jacob, rubbing his feet with the back of her fingers. We don't speak for several minutes. We just watch the little boy in my arms and smile at his expressions and shield his eyes from the sun when he attempts to open them.

"I am really sorry, ok? For being rude. I was being selfish and, I can see how much you care about your patients. I just… I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"I guess I should get going. Thank you, Arizona. For everything. I promise I wont bother you again. You have a great life with this little one, ok?" She leans over Jacob and gives me a hug and I wrap one arm around her back.

"Where are you staying?"

"Um… I don't really have that planned yet. But I have some places that I can go."

"Are you lying?" She looks at me and then at Jacob but doesn't answer. "If I offer help, just one more time, do you promise not to come and curse me out again?" She cuts her eyes at me but smiles. "Just until you get on your feet. There is a hotel a few streets away from here. It is nice and I know a guy who works there. For as long as you need it. It's not a big deal, ok?"

"I don't know, Arizona. I am not the hotel staying type. And really… I have some places that I can go."

"Then you can leave any time you want. You don't even need to tell me." When she doesn't protest I continue. "Just let me do it, ok? For me."

"I am not a charity case, Dr. Robbins."

"I know you aren't." Callie looks at her feet for several seconds but meets my eyes with tears in her own. She doesn't answer, just nods her head softly.

"Thank you."


	7. Chapter 7

Callie's POV

Arizona didn't come with me to the hotel. She gave me directions and told me she would call her friend who would get me a key. I was kind of disappointed but I wouldn't want her to see how out of place I am here, anyway. I am on the 11th floor. The 11th. There is a chandelier hanging in the middle of the check-in area and there are tables and chairs in a huge dining room to the right. The floors are tile and all of the people working here have on the same uniform. The man at the desk was very polite. It was "Ms. Callie"this and "Ms. Callie" that. He asked me how many keys to make for my room. I said two. I don't really know why. He also gave me a small envelope with my name scrolled across the front. I stepped away from the desk and looked around, searching for the elevator or stairs or whatever teleportation device this million dollar hotel had. Before I could turn around to ask, the man had come around his desk and was holding out his hand. I began searching my sweatshirt and pants pockets but I knew I had nothing. I continued anyway. "I uh… I'm sorry. I must have forgotten my cash in the car…" I felt my face blush immediately. He would know now. And he would think badly of her for sending me here. "I'm very sorry, I'll go get it…"

"No ma'am." He smiled sweetly at me and I could see the slightest blush in his face as well. "Your bag. I would be happy to take your bag for you." He motioned to the bag handing on my shoulder. The considerate gesture did little to ease my tension.

"I can um… I can manage. Thank you though."

"Of course, ma'am. Right this way." As he led me to the elevator I could feel myself getting more tense. The tears welled in my eyes but I blinked them away when I saw the silver doors, knowing that he would look at me when we reached them. He pushed the button and the doors opened right away. As I stepped in and turned around he smiled again. "Enjoy your stay Ms. Callie."

When the doors closed I collapsed against the back wall. I couldn't believe how uncomfortable I was just being here. They were all nice. Very nice. This… was nice. Too nice. For me. It was only seconds later that the doors were opening again and I made it to my room as quickly as my feet would carry me. I fumbled for the key in my hand, dropping the envelope and knocking myself off balance with my bag as I bent to pick it up. But I stood upright before anyone could see me and tried to open the door. I put the key to the pad and got a red flashing light. I then tried to door knob but it was still locked. I flipped the key over. Red light again. Really? I am not even smart enough to figure out a damn door in this place? I tried three, four, five more times but I couldn't get in. An immediate panic came over me when I heard laughs and faint talking from around the corner. I dropped my bag and began swiping and flipping and doing everything I could think of to get the stupid key to work before they saw me. But they did see me. They came around the corner laughing and holding hands. And they saw me. So I stood straighter and calmed my shaking hands and tried to look natural. They were just about to pass me when the tears that I had been holding in began to fall. I leaned my forehead against the door and squeezed my eyes shut. "Come on. Why won't you fucking work" I breathed to myself.

"Are you having trouble, honey?" I shook my head no, willing them to leave and not speak to me. But they didn't leave. "Here, let me help." The young woman clad in a modest pants suit placed her hand on my shoulder and reached for the key. I didn't fight her. It was too late. "These things are finicky sometimes." She removed the key from my hand and held it over the sensor. One second later I heard it unlock and she opened the door with a swift push of the handle. "There you go."

"Thank you." I never looked at her. I just took the key from her hand and snatched my bag from the floor, trying to get into the room and away from them as fast as possible. When the door is shut and locked, I fall back against it and slide down until I can bury my face in my knees. And I cry. For what feels like hours. I cry so hard that I lose my breath. This isn't for me. This is not my kind of place. And she knew that. She did it on purpose. Why the hell would she do that? If she is trying to show me how much money she has I already know! I saw the numbers on my bill, I know how much they get paid. This isn't some movie where she can throw money at me and make me into some gown wearing, Kentucky Derby going lady. I try to collect myself at the door but everything that I do just makes me feel worse. I look around the room and see the stark white linens and fluffy pillows. The floor is tile, not stained carpet. The room doesn't smell like smoke and the curtains are open, exposing a skyline like I have never seen. In exasperation I get up and throw my bag onto the bed, ruining the display of pillows. I don't need this shit, anyway. I've said it before and ill say it again. I. Was. Fine. I didn't need rescuing. But that didn't stop her did it?

I very dramatically throw myself on the bed beside my bag and let go of the envelope that I forgot I was holding. It falls on the floor beside the bed so I roll off onto the floor and grab it, opening it to find a card with the hotel's name at the top. At the bottom was handwriting.

"Callie, Check the bathroom. I think you will like it. Sleep well. And if you need anything, call. 205-555-3739. –Arizona"

I throw the card on the bed and walk to the bathroom. When I open the door I find a tub lined with unlit candles with a few books stacked on the side. There is a large towel on the counter with body washes and shampoos laying in the middle. On the side of the towel was a lighter. I could literally feel the anger drain out of my body. It was just me in here. This might be ok. I could be that girl, right? For a night? I could be the girl that gets to stay in fancy hotels and gets a bathroom set up just for her. Because no one knew any different in here.

As I slip off my shirt and pants and I stand in front of the mirror in just my bra and underwear, I see the bruises again. Covering my ribs and abdomen. The last time that I went to the hospital wasn't the last time it happened. But in here, no one had to know. So I run the bath water and look at a few of the books. I have never heard of them before but there has to be a reason she picked them. Maybe not. As I check the water that's filling the tub the phone rings in the room. I wrapped a towel around my body and ran to the night stand, picking up the phone. "Hello?"

"Callie!" Arizona's high pitched voice filled my ear.

"Hey. Look, um… I just wanted to say…."

"No need. Look, I won't keep you long. I just wanted to make sure you had dinner. I will get it sent to your room. What would you like?"

"No. Nothing, you have done enough. But thank you."

"Callie, you haven't eaten in hours. Just tell me what you want."

"I don't know." We are silent for several seconds. "Arizona….?"

"Yea?" I open my mouth to ask her why she has done this. To ask her why me. To ask what the catch is or what she thinks I am. But I don't think that I want to hear the answer. I am afraid that she will tell me that I can do better or be better or be someone that I'm not. And I'm even more afraid that there is something else. Something I don't know. A catch. So I don't ask. "Pizza is fine. I would really like pizza."

She answers without missing a beat. "Pizza it is. If you want to relax in the bath just leave your door open and lock the bathroom door. They will put it in the room for you."

"Ok. Thanks." I know that she can hear a difference in my voice. An apprehension.

"Callie?"

"Mhm?"

"Just have a good night. Promise you will call if you need anything?"

"K."

"Ok. Goodnight."

When I step into the bathtub I try to relax and clear my mind. It works pretty well. I do hear the pizza guy come into the room but he promptly leaves. I pulled my bag into the bathroom with me before I came in though. It is all I have. I can't risk leaving it for anyone to take. But now that I think about it, it is a toothbrush and three changes of shitty clothes. But it's all I have. In a hotel that costs 250 dollars a night, all I have in the world is three changes of clothes and a toothbrush. And then the feelings come back. And they are strong. I question whether I should feel this way or not. I don't even know why I am so angry. I think I am just embarrassed. And I don't handle that well. But I just have to know. I don't like not knowing. I want to know why she is doing this. And I am going to find out.

Arizona's POV

I hung up with Callie just before eight. She seemed strange on the phone, like something was upsetting her. I hope that they weren't rude to her there. Jacob and I settled in earlier in the night on the sofa. He tolerated me watching adult shows instead of Nemo for a few hours and then fell asleep a little early. I didn't plan on calling her. But I kind of just used dinner as an excuse to talk to her. She didn't seem as happy as I had hoped. I'm not even sure what I expect from her. She just doesn't react well to someone being nice to her. I guess I understand that. There has to be a reason why she does what she does. And it can't be because she was hugged a lot as a child. I just wish I could change that. I wish I could show her how it should have been or how it should be. She should be loved. Everyday. And no I am not saying that I love her but I think she deserves to know that someone cares and is there for her. To say that I am not attracted to her is laughable. I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't be. But that isn't all she is. It can't be. Right?

My phone rang shortly after midnight. I had been asleep for a few hours and have to be up at 5. I didn't even check the caller ID before answering.

"Hello?"

"Arizona." Her voice is sharp.

"Callie? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Ok. What's going on." She falters over her words and I can hear in her voice that she has been crying. "Callie?"

"Arizona, what is in this for you? Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"All of this. Everything. And don't lie to me either. Do you have like a quota of people you have to save in a year? You already gave a home to a baby, am I like that? Am I a charity case because you think I have nothing else? Because you think I am an orphan? Well I'm not. Ok? I just want to know why you are doing this. Because if you think this is help it isn't. I feel like shit around you. I feel like shit here. This isn't me. What you did in the hospital… that isn't me. What's in it for you? Because I know it has to be something."

"Callie nothing is in it for me. What are you talking about? I was just trying to keep you safe and give you a place to sleep."

"Yea. And why? Why do you care?" Her words have more bite than I care to hear. I thought I was doing the right thing, whatever the right thing is. Anyone would do this right? If they had the means. And she is questioning me like I am one of her damn buyers.

I raise my voice without knowing. "Why the hell are you pissed that I care?"

"Because people don't Arizona! People don't!" Her voice cracks and she takes a sharp intake of breath.

"Callie. Calm down. Please." I wait a few seconds for her to catch her breath. "Look, if you are uncomfortable there I can call another place. I can get you out of there in the next hour."

"I just want you to stop. Ok? Just stop" Before I can answer she hangs up. It takes me all of four seconds before I am talking to the desk clerk and asking for her room number. I can't let that be the end of it.

"Callie, look. It is ok to be upset with me. I know you don't know me to trust me. And I don't know you all that well either. And if you want to leave then no one is keeping you there. I just want you to know that this is not what you think. This is not what you are used to. I am not what you are used to. And it is ok to accept help. It is ok for someone to care. It's ok to let me care." She is crying again. I hate that.

"Why"

"I don't know. But I do. I care." She is silent.

"Please just sleep on it. Ok? Whatever decision you make in the morning I will respect. But sleep on it. And you know how to reach me." I wait and hope for a response but I don't get one.

"Goodnight, Callie."


	8. Chapter 8

Arizona's POV

This morning was a whirlwind. I woke up late after sitting up and thinking about what Callie told me. So when I fell back asleep I guess I slept hard. I woke up thirty minutes late with my alarm blaring and Jacob crying in his crib. This is his last day at the nursery at the hospital. I have the weekend off of work and Sarah will be back on Monday. But he and I get ready and head out. I didn't have any surgeries scheduled for today. Just some consults and post ops. Which didn't really make things any easier. I would have loved to get lost in a good surgery and take my mind off of things.

I can't help but think that I am doing the wrong thing. That I will push her away. Or that she will run and I am going to get attached. It is insane to even think about getting attached. I can't even tell my friends about her. They will think I have lost my mind. Not only is she a patient, which is taboo enough, but her lifestyle… And I have a new baby that all of my focus should be on. I just can't even imagine what they will say. But here I go again, getting ahead of myself… acting like I am going to have to introduce her to them. When in reality, I know she will be gone before then. So I am really setting myself up for it. I know she is angry. And to say that I know why would be a lie. But I have to just keep reassuring her that I won't hurt her. And that isn't exactly easy for me right now. I want nothing more than for someone to just reassure me that way. To tell me that I am doing the right thing. For her. For Jacob. For myself. But I just don't know. I can't help but think that I wasn't exactly prepared for either of them. They just happened.

I have been leaning against the nurse's station for about 10 minutes lost in thought when Karev interrupts. "What's up with you today?"

"Mind your business, Karev."

"You are my business. When you are shitty I get scut cases. So what's going on? If you need to get laid I can pull some strings and…"

"Enough. I am fine. And that is weird and creepy so don't ever go there again." He grins.

"Go take the day off. I can handle things around here. You haven't had a day to yourself since you brought that kid home. Go get lunch. See the city."

"I can't. Jacob is in the nursery. They might need something."

"They will page you. Until then, go." Karev is stern with me. Something that he really needs to tone down when I am not in the mood. But he is right. A quiet walk wouldn't hurt. It is a little after 10. The park will be vacant.

I grab my jacket from my locker and set out for just an hour alone. To think. Or not to think. Knowing me… to think. I just have the urge to make it right with her. To apologize for whatever I need to apologize for and to make her feel better. And I know myself well enough to know that if I don't, the walk will be pointless. I will go back to that hospital being more tense about what I didn't do. So I go. I walk to the hotel and greet the desk clerk and ask the number of the room I reserved. It is under my name. It is hard to put it in someone else's name when you don't even know their last name. I don't ask for a key. It is her room after all. I won't just barge in. And if she doesn't let me in, then I know. I know to stop trying. It takes just a minute for me to reach her door, but several more before I knock. I am pretty sure that I am making a mistake and am forcing myself on her right now. But I can't bear to leave things the way they were last night. And I'll make her understand. I hope.

I knock. And wait.

Callie's POV

I have been up for about an hour but have not even attempted to get out of this bed. It is amazing. I don't think I moved all night. The television stayed on and I am now watching some sort of cartoon with the volume turned down. I am making up my own dialogue in my head. And it is not exactly cartoon appropriate, but it makes me laugh. Some cleaning ladies came by a few hours ago and woke me up to give me towels, which was weird. So now I have like six towels in the bathroom. I half contemplate getting up and showered and brushing my teeth but it is way too hard to tear myself from this bed. I heard a knock on a door but it seemed too faint to be on mine so I refocus my attention on my cartoon and ignore it. But when I hear it again it is a little louder. I begrudgingly roll out of bed and open the door. And I see her. As stunningly beautiful as I have ever seen her. Her blonde hair which I have only seen in a ponytail is shoulder length and it falls in soft curls around her face. Her dark blue scrubs bring out her blue eyes and she looks like a kid with her hands shoved into her white jacket pockets. She is wide eyed and not smiling.

"Dr. Robbins." I am not sure why I greet her by her last name. Maybe because she looks the part. Maybe because I am nervous.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." I step aside and let her walk past me. After I close the door and turn around I see her looking at the room and I feel embarrassed, like I should have cleaned or have been dressed by now. I rush to the bed and pull the blankets up to the headboard. "Here. I didn't have a chance to make the bed yet. Sit."

"No. I was just admiring the view. It is pretty outside."

"Oh. Yea… it is." I take a seat on the bed and look at her as she stares past me and out the window. "Are you ok?"

"Callie, I am sorry. For whatever it is I have done to upset you. This is how I was raised. We always opened our home and pockets to people who needed help and we always did everything we could. My father taught me that. And I thought I was doing the right thing and I thought that I was just helping you out of a bad situation. But I think I'm being selfish, too. I think I am being selfish. Because I want to be the one who does these things for you. I wanted to be the one to keep you safe and make you happy. And I don't even know why. I know that you can take care of yourself. I never thought differently. Hell, you made it this far. I just wanted to be help. And I thought I was helping."

"It's just not what I am used to, Arizona. I don't know how to react."

"Then tell me. Please. So I can do the right thing. Because I am racking my brain here and I have nothing. Tell me what to do."

"I can't tell you what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I feel this way." Arizona lowers her head and pulls a chair by the bed. She sits and her legs are within inches of mine as I sit on the bed.

"Just tell me who you are, Callie. How you ended up here."

I immediately felt my stomach tense with her question. I was afraid of this conversation and the pity. I don't want any of that.

"Same old story, Arizona. I got into drugs and have to support my habit. So I sleep with guys for money. Short and sweet."

"That's not true," she spits. Her words shock me and I look at her questioningly.

"Yes it is. It's the truth."

"That's bullshit. We draw your blood every time you are brought in, Callie. Six times. You have been clean every time. Not even alcohol has been in your system."

"Well not every drug comes up in blood work," I try to defend myself. To defend a lie.

"Yes they do. Every single one." She shakes her head at me like she is disappointed. She knows I am lying. She is too smart for me to lie to. "Why are you doing this, Callie?"

"No why are you doing this, Arizona? I never asked for this. Do you think if you put me up for a few nights I'll just be yours whenever you want it? That I'll give you a discount? Because if you wanted to fuck me, Arizona, all you had to do was ask!" I am screaming at her now. For no reason. I don't know why I am pushing her away. She is the only one who has lifted a finger for me in more years than I can count. And I am being horrible to her. I feel a knot rising in my throat and when I see tears collecting in her eyes they immediately spring to mine. I hunch over and let me elbows rest on my thighs, my hands covering my face. I whisper that I'm sorry but I am unsure if she hears. But her warm fingers take a hold of mine and gently pull my hands away from my face. She places a finger under my chin and lifts so that her eyes meet mine.

"Please, Callie." I don't know why she wants to know. Why she is persistent. But I don't have the energy to fight anymore. So I take a deep breath and swallow past the knot in my throat.

"I was born Calliope Torres. My father was a pretty well off guy. I was an only child. Things were good. As far as a five year old was concerned. They started having marriage problems and I remember him starting to drink. I remember her going out and leaving me at home more than she used to. And when I was 10 I remember her kissing me on the cheek and saying "Mommy will be back soon." That was the last time I saw her. According to my father, she ran off with one of his friends. She wasn't a bad woman. I think she was just young. She got pregnant with me at 18 and never got to live her life. Well after she left, my dad just kind of lost it. He loved her so much. And he couldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else. We looked for her. For days. We called the police but they said there was nothing they could do. I remember sitting in my room at 10 years old and turning my tv up so I couldn't hear him cry. I started missing school and not paying attention when I went. I was 11 years old and was terrified that my dad would hurt himself while I wasn't home. He just never was the same after that. He would drink occasionally when I was younger but then it turned into every weekend, four days a week, and then every night. Then it turned into days and nights. He lost his job. We lost our house. We had nowhere to go. He was a first generation immigrant from Cuba and we literally had no one. Just the car that he owned. When I was 15 we ran out of money to eat. He ran out of money to drink. I knew a few girls from the streets who were older and I knew what they did. But I never thought it would be me. I tried it once. And I got paid 40 dollars. I didn't know what I was going to tell him, how I got the money. But the whole time that it was happening, I was thinking about how happy that money would make him. I don't even remember what the first guy I slept with looked like. I just remember going to another place while I was with him, and thinking about how happy my father would be with me that I had money for us to eat. Well I cleaned up after and I went to where my father and I normally slept, by an embankment in the city, and I saw two cops putting him the back of their car. He was fighting and cursing. And I ran away. I just knew they arrested him for what I just did. I found out just a few days later that he stole money and alcohol from a gas station around where we stayed. So I was alone. Just days before I turned 16. But I had a new skill. And I knew how to make money to eat. I still stayed by the embankment where my dad and I stayed. All of his things were still there. Including the keys to the car. It was all that we had so I drove it to the nearest hospital parking lot where I thought it was safe and left it. For when he got out. I swore that I would save money and I would never get into what my dad was into. And all of the girls out there, they are always doped up on something. I swore that would never be me. And it never was. But business started to slow down. I had a few hundred dollars saved up that I lived off of for a few weeks. And I met The Boss. I still don't know his name. But he told me that if I worked for him I would be making 1000 dollars a week. So I did it. Without thinking. He was right that I made 1000 dollars a week. He just didn't tell me that he would take 600 of it. He also didn't tell me that he took 600 regardless of if I made the 1000 or not. So I got in the hole quick. And that is when he started hitting me. I just learned to accept it. I had nothing else. And then I had to start working different areas where the guys weren't so upstanding. And I got hit some more."

I took a breath, realizing that I have been talking for a solid five minutes. The tears have been streaming down my face since I started and I don't know why. This story has replayed in my head for 15 years. But I have never said it out loud. To anyone.

"I never saw my dad again. It has been 15 years." My breath is uneven and shallow and I am trying with all of my might to keep from breaking down. But when I look at her, I lose my resolve. Her face is streaked with tears and her bright blue eyes are still full with them. She is biting her bottom lip and her eyes bore into mine. I pull my hands away from hers and drop my head into them. I don't care that I am crying in front of her. She asked for this. I feel the bed dip under her weight right beside me and I feel her arm snake around my back. The other finds the side of my face and she pulls me in to her chest. She places the softest kiss on my forehead and tightens her grip on me.

She whispers shushing sounds into my hair like I am a child. With anyone else I would have pulled away. With anyone else I would have left before it got this deep. With anyone else I would have pushed her away and damned her for making me relive that pain. With anyone else.


	9. Chapter 9

Arizona' POV

I really wasn't expecting that from her. But then again I haven't ever really known what to expect from her. I feel guilty for pushing her. I feel selfish. And I made her relive all of that for my own selfish reasons. I can't blame her for being angry and withdrawn. For not trusting. She has been through more than I can imagine. More than I want to imagine for myself, for her, for anyone else. It may not be the best life but she still has one. She has kept herself alive and out of trouble. All by herself. And in the worst of circumstances. She is a fighter. God, is she a fighter. But in my arms… she doesn't look it. In my arms, falling asleep with swollen eyes and a stuffy nose, she doesn't look like a fighter. She looks innocent. She looks sweet. She looks beautiful. Like someone's child or someone's mother. Or someone's wife.

She has repositioned herself in my lap. Her feet are on her pillow and she is on her side with her head on my thighs. Her hand is resting on my hip which fell there while she was absentmindedly biting a fingernail. For several minutes I have been trying to soothe her in different ways, smoothing her hair, rubbing her arms, rubbing her back. She fought sleep for a little while, but she lost that battle. Her mouth is slightly agape, exposing her perfectly white teeth, and she is taking deep, even breaths. I stopped crying after her story was finished... well actually she had to ask me to stop. She said she couldn't stop if I didn't. So admiring her has kept my mind off of how much my heart broke for her. First it was her big brown eyes. But when those closed it was her skin. And her fingers. And her mouth. And her small moans as she dreams. I am running the risk of her opening her eyes and catching me staring at her. But at this moment, I don't mind. I find her breathtaking. I did this same awe-struck gazing when I had Jacob at home the first night. I learned every curve of his little face. Every tone of his skin. Every line on his hands. And I am learning hers. My hand finds Callie's cheek and I run my thumb along her cheek bone and down her jaw, across her chin, and it lingers in the center of her full bottom lip. My mind wanders to how many people those lips have touched. How many were touched in passion and how many in work. I wonder if she has ever been in love and with who. If she had ever made love or if it has only ever been business. I can't imagine her never having someone want her for more than a night. There had to have been many. I wonder if there have been others who wanted to make a difference. How many people have tried to help her, tried to love her, tried to care. I wonder how many other people she told her story to and I wonder how they treated her after.

I was able to reach a few of the pillows from the head of the bed and lean back on them. With my cellphone in my pocket and my pager on my hip, I felt comfortable resting with her until I was needed elsewhere. I kept a protective hold on Callie as I closed my eyes and I felt an odd comfort when she took a fist full of my scrub top in her hand and nuzzled into my leg. I tried to forget about everything she told me just minutes ago. My watch read almost noon the last time I checked it just before allowing Callie's deep breaths to lull me to sleep.

XXXXXXXXX

The sun is still filtering in through the window when I awake with a jolt. My heart begins racing as I try to process where I am and what time it is. I quickly check my left wrist and my watch reads just 1:10 and I then feel her weight on my right side. I look down my torso and see a sea of black hair spread across my chest. Her head is resting on my right shoulder and her dark arm is splayed across my abdomen. My lighter arm is wrapped protectively around her back. Callie still has a handful of my scrub top in her right hand and I feel the weight of her leg wrapped around mine. I am suddenly all too aware of the pounding of my heart and fear that it will wake her at any minute. I don't know when she moved. I didn't feel her. But I know that I would be content never moving another inch further from her.

Callie's POV

I woke up lying on Arizona's lap a little after noon. I couldn't believe she stayed. After I looked like such a fool, blubbering like an idiot about my pathetic excuse for a past, she stayed. She cried. With me. And my heart broke a little when she cried. I know that it came from a good place, but I would be fine never seeing that again. I don't remember meaning to fall asleep the first time. I was just enjoying the closeness. I liked the feeling. When I woke up and she was still sleeping, I wanted to feel more. So I did. I was nervous. But if she got upset, I could just tell her that I was sleeping and didn't mean to get that close to her. I hope she doesn't get upset. I kind of couldn't resist. I tried to be as careful as possible so that I didn't wake her. I slid in close to her side and laid my head on her chest. I laid stiff for a few minutes listening to her heartbeat. When she made no attempt to move away, I let my hand slide across her tone stomach and snaked my leg around hers. Her smell was intoxicating. I nuzzled into her neck and breathed in her perfume as deeply as I could. That was my only intent. But the soft skin of her neck grazed my lips and I took advantage. Her lack of protest gave me the courage to trail my mouth from the collar of her shirt to her jaw line. Her skin is softer than I have ever felt and it left a sweet taste on my lips when I breathlessly finished my assault. I laid my head on her shoulder again, breathless and heart pounding. I don't know why I am so nervous with her. But I like the feeling. Sex doesn't make me nervous anymore. It is not the ultimate in a relationship for me. If I had to pick the ultimate sign of a relationship, it would be this. The intimacy. The closeness. The staying.

But true to my track record, when I woke up at 2, she was gone. There was no note. There was no goodbye. There was nothing. She just left. Like everyone else. And I wasn't sad. I wasn't hurt. I wasn't angry. And that is the worst part. I was just numb. Like deep down, I knew it was coming. I wrap myself around my pillow and stare out the still open window. I will collect my things and leave later. I just don't have the desire at this moment. As I look out the window, my thoughts naturally travel to her. Of all of the others, I think that I will miss her the most. She seemed genuine and, whether it was bullshit or not, I can always remember it as real. I will always remember her as sincere. I think about calling her and thanking her for today, for being there for me, for asking, and caring. Maybe I will tomorrow or one day. But right now I just want to miss her.

I am able to dose off again but I am woken up by another knock on the door. I already have six towels in the bathroom and am really unsure why they keep bringing more. But I know better than to refuse the offer, so I roll out of bed and reach the door before she can knock again. When I open the door, it isn't the cleaning lady. It isn't Arizona. It is a man. And in his hand are the most beautiful flowers that I have ever seen. At least a dozen white roses are in a bright red vase which are being held by a man in a black shirt and pants. My memories of pretending as a child that a rich man would send me lavish gifts just to say I love you flashes in my mind. I am 15 years old again opening a pretend back door and talking to a man who isn't there, thanking him for the beautiful flowers. The 15 year old me would clamp her hands over her chest while fawning over her new gift and the smiling to the neighbors who smile back with a tinge of envy. The 15 year old me would whisk the flowers away to my imaginary thousand dollar vanity and sigh at how lucky I am. But the 15 year old me disappears as quickly as she came and without hearing him speak a word I tell him that he has made a mistake and has the wrong room. I close the door without waiting for him to verify that I am in fact not Ms. Smith or Ms. Jones or whoever is so magnificent that the love of their life wasted a hundred dollars to send them beautiful flowers. But before I reach the bed, he knocks again. In exasperation, I fling the door open and step toward the man.

"Look, pal. You have the wrong room. I don't know who you are looking for but I assure you she is not here. So go bother someone else." I slam the door. I know that I probably sound like a jerk but the more he knocks the more I am reminded that I am not that girl. I have never been that girl. I will never be that girl.

When he knocks a third time I fling the door open, ready for round two. But I only catch a glimpse of his backside as he turns the corner. In his place is the vase, complete with a card. It is only now that I see my name scrolled across the envelope. My breath catches in my throat as I take it in my hands and open it as gently as possible.

"Callie, You deserve these. And so much more. I will see you soon. With love, Arizona.

Today, for the first time in my life, I am that girl. And I am terrified.


	10. Chapter 10

Arizona's POV

She didn't call. Jacob and I sat by the phone for hours waiting. And she didn't call. I checked my phone probably every minute to make sure that it was working until I fed Jacob and myself and put us both down for the night. I don't understand it. I called the flower place and they said they were delivered. I checked the hotel and she didn't check out. I feel like a stalker. But I don't know why she didn't call. I am not even upset that she didn't say thank you. I just thought I would hear from her. I thought it would make her happy. I thought about stopping by her room after work yesterday but what the hell am I supposed to say? She isn't a girl I can push. She runs. And rightfully so. But… I just miss her. And I feel like I did something wrong. We were making progress. She opened up.

I have been able to keep myself occupied with work for the past few days. But I am distracted. Karev has made a few comments but I have been able to silence him and keep him busy with post op checks. And I am on my way to the lobby when a hand grabs my arm and pulls me into the supply closet. The door slams shut behind me and I am face to face with my assailant. "Jesus, Teddy. What the hell?"

"What is going on with you Arizona?"

"What are you talking about? Nothing. I have work to do." I try to push past her but she grabs a hold of my wrist and turns me around to face her again.

"Spill it. Does she work here? Is she in the department? Is she hot?" Teddy raises her eyebrows and smiles at me, popping a piece of candy into her mouth like popcorn.

"There is nothing to spill. There is no one. Get out of my way!"

"Arizona, I broke bones in Iraq. Don't even try it. Now I know there is someone. Because you have the same doe eyed, poor sap look that I had when I was hung up on Owen. You can't lie to me Dr. Robbins."

I sigh in resignation and lean back against supply shelves. "I don't want to talk about it, Teddy."

"Ha! I knew there was someone! Oh and I am done for the day and have nothing to go home to but laundry and spoiled milk so I really have no problem staying in here for… hours… days… whatever it takes."

"Jesus… ok. Yes. Is that what you want? There is someone. But I don't even know what it is so there is nothing to tell."

"Hot?"

"Stunning."

"Single?"

"Yes."

"Doctor?"

"No."

"Nurse?"

"No."

"Is it Sarah?"

"Sarah? Jacob's babysitter? What the hell is wrong with you? She is like 12."

"But she is cute. Ok… how did you meet her?"

"Teddy, that's enough. I don't want to talk about it ok?"

She takes a deep breath, pops another piece of candy into her mouth and crosses her arms over her chest, raising one eyebrow.

"Alright. Fine. I met her here. No she doesn't work here. Now I would appreciate if this stayed between us. You know how people are."

"Oh… a patient? Arizona…"

"Just keep your voice down. I know."

"What's her name?"

"Ca… no. You don't get to go pull her chart. It's none of your business." She narrows her eyes and purses her lips, studying me.

"You need to be careful"

"Yes, I am aware of that."

"Alright. Well… get out of here. You know where to find me when you need me." She opens her arms to hug me so I wrap my arms around her back.

"Thanks Teddy." She gives me a wink and steps aside.

"So… hot huh?"

I laugh softly. "Ridiculously."

XXXXXXXXX

It has been closing in on five days since I spoke to her last and I have been occupying myself pretty well. I become more angry with her as the days pass. And more angry with myself for not giving in. Jacob and I are in for the night by ourselves again and being immersed in him is an easy outlet. He is a pretty cool little guy to be immersed in, after all. But I still think about her. Almost constantly.

Jacob has been asleep in my arms for an hour. This is usually our routine at night. I hold him until I can't keep my eyes open and then I put him in his crib. My fingers are tracing the delicate skin of his cheek when his body flails in reaction to a pounding on my door. He whines and tries to catch his breath from the scare as I carry him to the door. I don't know who the hell is here at 10 pm but they are about to have hell to pay for waking my little boy.

Callie's POV

The past few days have been a nightmare. I keep trying. Trying to make it like it used to be. But she is always fucking there. She is everywhere. She is in my head, she is in their faces, she is everywhere. Those fucking flowers are everywhere. I am pacing on her front porch and talking to myself like a crazy person. There is so much that I want to say but everything just comes out in a string of curse words and I will look more disgusting than I already do if I allow myself to talk that way. I just got paid 150 dollars. It was supposed to go to put gas in my car to get the hell out of here but the fucking thing wouldn't start so it paid for a bus ticket. And beer. It was a waste of money anyway because she lives like two miles from the hotel. Had one of my rich guys ever brought my back to his place, maybe I would know where this street is. But the guys who live here aren't the kind of guys who bring me back to their place. They are the kind who want it quick and fast in the back of their BMW while their wives are out of town "on business". The houses here are huge. Lavish. Hers is no different. Two car garage, toys in the front yard for a baby who can't even walk yet. The porch light costs more money than I got paid tonight. The flowers she wasted her money on are double that. Before even preparing my dialogue past my first sentence, I knock on the door. And hard. She answers within thirty second, baby in her arms.

"Callie…"

"Fuck you Arizona."

She looks at me startled and shakes her head. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Wait a minute. Ok?" Her voice is stern and confused. She walks away from me and to a back room. When she emerges her arms are empty. She closes the still open door behind me and crosses her arms when I look at her again. "What is going on? Have you been… were you drinking?"

"Don't you dare question me. I am mad. At you. And your bullshit flowers. And your crying and… and… and how you smell and… I am pissed, Arizona. At you."

Her eyes bore into mine as she tries to piece together what has happened. "Callie. Sit. I don't understand."

"I am fine standing, thank you very much. Flowers? Really? Flowers? And a card? TWO cards? What the hell are you trying to do?" When she refuses to answer I raise me voice. "Answer me!" Still nothing.

"How did you get here? How did you know where I live?"

"Oh is that a problem? Can't have whores hanging out in your neighborhood huh? That's why you got me the hotel? So no one had to know?"

"Callie just shut up. Don't say that. You know that is not what I meant. How did you know where I live?"

"I fucked him. That's how. Your little friend at the hotel. The one who works the desk. I fucked him. He told me everything I needed to know."

She shakes her head slowly while her eyes remain locked with mine. Her light blue eyes fade to a darker shade. A shade that I first saw when she was in my room. When she listened to my story. "No. You don't get to fucking cry for me this time, Arizona." I step toward her and put my finger in her chest. "You don't get to pretend like you give a shit. Stop it." I demand that she stops crying, all the while my eyes are filling to the brink. "Stop it. Did you hear me?" I push her in the chest and she backs away from me, sadness in her eyes. "Stop!" Arizona grabbed my wrists but her touch wasn't tender like I remember. It was rough. It was forceful. It hurt.

"Callie stop it."

"Let go of me!" My voice is high and harsh. The tears being to flow down my face which only angers me more. Only she can do this to me. She pulls my hands into her chest to keep me from pulling away."Let go of me, Arizona!"

"Callie stop! Just stop it!" The pitch and fear in her voice matched mine and when I look at her, the same tears that streak my face now streak hers. I pull away from her with all of my strength but she holds on, keeping me in place in front of her.

"You can't just do that to people, Arizona! You can't just do what you did and leave!" My voice feels fragile and weak but it still comes out as a scream. "You can't fucking cry for me and hold me and send goddamn flowers and then leave. What the hell am I supposed to do then? I slept with three people, Arizona. Three men. Trying to forget about you. Because I don't give a shit when they leave. I am happy when they leave. I made four hundred dollars. But that still wouldn't pay for one night in your fucking hotel. So when I leave there I have to go back to the streets and to my car which isn't worth a shit now and I go back to them. I go back to guys sweating gin and rum all over me in the back of a car. You ruined it for me. Do you understand that? You thought you were helping? Well, you didn't! You fucking made it miserable. Usually I can think of the money while I am with them and it makes the time go by faster. It gives me something to look forward to. And when I got paid I thought I would be happy. But I felt disgusting. Everytime. Have you ever felt disgusting? Have you ever covered mirrors so that you don't have to look at yourself? The money used to be what made it worth it. But do you know what I think of now? Instead of money, do you know what I see when I am with them? You. Everytime I am with them I see your face and I smell your perfume and I feel you under my fingertips and I get sick. I get sick that I am not with you. I get sick that no one will ever make me feel the way that you made me feel. I get sick that we didn't meet in another life when I was worth a shit and we could have actually been happy. I told you my story, Arizona. I have made a point of never telling anyone that. And you cried. You didn't laugh. You didn't call me a liar. You didn't blame me. You didn't tell me I deserved it. You cried. And I didn't know what to do with that. The people I am with they don't cry. They don't care. It doesn't hurt when they leave!" I am barely able to get the words out over the sobs. But she doesn't take her eyes from mine. "They don't hurt me, Arizona…" She isn't speaking. She isn't defending herself. She is holding my hands close to her, trying to keep me from hurting her. I try to jerk my hands away from hers but instead I just drop my head and cry. She doesn't pull me in, she just lets me break down. I feel her grip loosen on my wrists and the blood rush back to my fingers. My arms dejectedly fall to my sides. I work to regain my breathing and gather my nerve to leave. To walk out on her this time. But I am again left breathless when her hands find my face and she forces me to look at her. Her eyes are bloodshot and her breathing is shallow, whether from anger or fear that I would hurt her. I don't know which. I shake my head in defeat and try to shy away from her eyes but she doesn't let me. She closes the gap between us, still holding my face. Stroking her thumbs across my cheeks. Her voice is a mere whisper.

"I am so, so sorry, Callie, that you are hurting so much. I am so sorry." Her words barely register but I see everything that she is saying in her eyes. I see the same pain in them that I am sure she can see in mine. "I never meant to leave you. I should have been more careful and considered how you were feeling. I am the one that messed up. Ok? Not you. Just give me a chance and I promise… I promise to never make you feel like that again."

It takes everything I have not to push her off of me and get the hell out of there. It takes everything that I have not to push her against a wall and kiss her. To do to her what I do best. I have never wanted someone more. And I have never wished harder that I never met someone.

"We can't keep doing this, though." I know where this is going. And I brought it on myself. She is going to ask to never see me again. "We can't keep fighting and hoping that we are know what to do. Because we don't. I don't know what the right thing is. But I want to learn. I want to know what to do when you are angry. When you are hurting. I want to make it ok. But I need you to tell me. And if you can't tell me I need you to trust me. That I won't try to hurt you. That I am not trying to hurt you. I care about you so much Callie. And I never want to make you feel like this again."

"You aren't asking me to leave?" My voice now is the one just above a whisper.

"No, Callie. I am asking you to trust me." I study her face, trying to find some deception or hidden meaning. "Can you just try? To trust me?"

It takes me several seconds to respond. But when I do, the word surprises even me.

"Yes."


	11. Chapter 11

Callie's POV

The sunlight is beginning to filter through the curtains and it casts a smoky haze on the room. It has to be about five in the morning. I haven't been to sleep yet. I have just been thinking… reliving everything I said last night. I feel horribly guilty. She didn't deserve any of that. I am just learning that I have a really hard time with everything. But she seemed to understand. I don't know what I ever did to deserve her. She sat with me for a long time last night just being with me, not talking. I would love nothing more than to say that being with her is easy. But it isn't. I find her amazing… beautiful… perfect. And that perfection just makes me feel… damaged. It reminds me of how imperfect I am. And she knew that.

5 hours earlier

_"I'm sorry for crying like this. You must think I am some kind of crazy person." _

_"I don't think you are crazy." Her response does little to ease my insecurities and I work up the gumption to ask her what I have been too afraid to ask anyone._

_"What do you think, then… of me?" She looks at me blankly for a few seconds before swinging her feet off of the edge of the sofa and motioning for me to come closer to her. She turns my back to her and pulls me against her side so that her arm falls over my right shoulder and across my torso. She toys with my fingers as she answers._

_"I think… that you are strong. You know that. You have been through more than I can imagine. I think you are beautiful. Your smile literally takes my breath away. I just wish that I saw it more. I think you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. They are almost black when you are angry or sad and they fit you just perfectly. I think you are smart and savvy and I could stand to learn a lot from you. But I also think you are scared. Of me or us or whatever we are. I think you are scared that I will hurt you or use you like everyone else. I think you are scared of anything other than what you know, what you do."_

_"Are you scared?" _

_"Of course I am." _

_"Of me?"_

_"Maybe." I appreciate her honesty but her response hurts a little. "I don't know what I am scared of, really. I'm scared that I'll let you down. That I'm not what you need. I'm scared that I'll do something wrong. And I'm scared of how much I care about you."_

_"Why?"_

_"I don't know. Because when you care you can get hurt. And I have been hurt a few times. Don't get me wrong, I have done my share of hurting, but I have been on the other side of it, too." _

_"No… why do you care… about me?" She pauses._

_"I… well I don't know. Every way that I think about answering that just sounds stupid."_

_"Just try" I try to distract myself by linking and unlinking my fingers with hers. _

_"Well… I miss you when I'm not with you. I think about you all the time. I want to make sure you are ok. All of that tells me that I care, but if you are asking why… that's a little harder. I care about you because I see that there is more to you. You are more than what you do. You are sweet, and caring, and we had some sort of connection, something that I haven't had before. It wasn't about sex or being attracted to you, I mean I'm not saying that I'm not, but I felt like you picked me for a reason. You could have reacted to anyone in the room that way, but it was with me. And when you opened up to me I just felt like there was a reason we met. That there was a reason we were both in the ER that day."_

_"Well I don't know about you, but I was there because my face got in the way of a fist." I laugh softly but when I don't hear the same from her I turn my head upward to see her._

_"Sorry. I guess I don't think it's all that funny." And there is silence. Leave it to me to ruin a good talk. "I don't think I want you doing that anymore, Callie." _

_"Getting my ass beat? Yea, sign me up for not doing that again. Don't have to tell me twice."_

_"You know what I mean."_

_"Well Arizona, people aren't lining up to give me a job right now." I sit up and move to the opposite side of the couch. This is where she will start telling me how I can do better. How I should be more than what I am. _

_"Ok, ok. Maybe we can talk about it later. Just… come back." She raises her arm and motions for me to take my previous position at her side. I settle into her and take her hand again._

_"Tell me about you."_

_"Ok. What do you want to know?"_

_"Where you come from… your hometown, family, girlfriends?" I hear her smile and she starts. She tells me the beautiful story of her life. Her parents, her childhood home, how she became a doctor. She tells me about Jacob and how scared she was the first week he was with her. I can't imagine that fear ever going away. She tells me about Malawi and her awards and the shooting at her hospital. She cries when she tells me about her brother. _

_It was a good talk. The best I have ever had._

She is now curled up on the end of the couch sleeping. She told me that she has to be up at 630 for work and she only went to sleep around 4. She won't be very happy with me when she wakes up. I have taken the spot on the other end of the couch. It was supposed to be to sleep but I haven't been able to keep my eyes off of her. I won't tell her that though. I also won't tell her that she frowns a little when she dreams and has wormed her feet under my thigh for warmth. I won't tell her that she looks like a kid when her gorgeous blonde hair falls across her face and her hands are tucked under her cheek. Ok, I might not be able to keep that one in. The clock over Arizona's fireplace reads 5:10 when I hear Jacob's soft cries from his bedroom. She has to wake up in a little over an hour and I kept her up all night so before he can wake her I tiptoe to where I saw her put him down last night. There are three rooms at the end of the hall. I try the first door to the left and find a room full of workout machines. "Definitely no baby in here." I try the next door to the right and open it slowly. I step in and find the light on the wall, lighting a scene out of a movie. Her cherry wood king sleigh bed is fitted with white linens and it sits on a rustic wood floor. Pictures adorn the top of a matching dresser and there is an antique looking armoire on the opposite wall. She had to have spent thousands of dollars on just this room. The thought brings immediate tension and I start having the same thoughts that are so common to me. That I am not good enough. That I could never provide for her. That she will get over the newness of me and realize that I am nothing. But Jacob's whimper pulls me out of my self-centeredness and I shake my head of the negative thoughts. I rush to the only door left in the hall and open it to find a dimly lit nursery. I peak over the side of the crib to find a waking baby, rubbing his eyes and kicking his legs from under his blanket. I pick him up and lay him on my shoulder, patting his squishy bottom. "Looks like someone needs a new diaper." I support his weight with my left arm while I search for the light switch with my right. When I flip on the light I find a nursery fit for a little boy. Sports décor covers the room from wall to wall. The crib, dresser, and changing table all match and are all covered with the same adorable sports fabric. Even Jacob's mobile is made of tiny bats and balls and gloves. The bright blue walls are covered with shelves for books and toys and with pictures of sports heroes and teams. Jacob's name is spelled out over his crib with painted block letters that I am sure she did herself. The jealousy doesn't hit me this time. The only feeling that I recognize right now is pride. In her. In what she has done for this baby who had nothing and no one. She gave him a home. Her home. And put so much love into it. "You are a lucky little boy, Jacob. You have a pretty amazing mom." His little eyes still aren't completely open but he whines as I stand there admiring his room instead of tending to him. "Alright, buddy. Let's see if we can do this. Feel free to help me out, ok?" Jacob allows me to lay him on the changing table and change his diaper without much of a fuss. He and I then make our way to the kitchen for breakfast. I find his bottles on a dish rack and read the directions on the bottle of formula that I found in the pantry. I thank Jacob for his patience as I finish mixing in the water and begin to feed him. He takes the bottle readily and stares up at me while he eats. I get lost talking to him, carrying on a one way conversation about his dreams and his cute pajamas. He and I sit on the couch and wait for his mommy to wake up. I hope she isn't angry with me for helping her out with him this morning. I hope that I showed her that I can be responsible and normal.

As her phone alarm blares, she stirs awake and turns off the sound by knocking it onto the floor. Jacob and I watch as she orients herself to the morning. She yawns and stretches her arms above her head. She greets me at first with confusion but a smile quickly follows. "Good morning."

"Good morning, mommy." I wave Jacob's hand at her, causing all three of us to smile.

"Gosh, you fed him already? I'm sorry I didn't wake up."

"No problem. He and I had good breakfast conversation. He is a pretty interesting guy."

She laughs. "That he is. Thank you so much. I am exhausted."

"Go ahead and go shower. I have him if that's ok with you."

"I'll just be five minutes, ok? If he cries his pacifier is on his dresser."

"Go woman, I got this." She kisses Jacob on the forehead and touches my shoulder before she darts out of the room. "Aw, lucky boy..." Jacob kicks his feet and smiles at me. "Let's get mommy some coffee."

Jacob and I are sitting on the porch enjoying the cool weather when Arizona emerges again, cup of coffee in hand. She sits next to me and I smell the same perfume that I remember so vividly.

"Thank you so much for this morning. Hey, he looks cute!" She pulls Jacob's shirt over his exposed belly.

"Thanks. He has some cute stuff to pick from."

"Yea, I kind of went overboard on him."

"It's sweet." We sit in silence for a few minutes, she is enjoying her coffee and I am entranced by the little guy bouncing on my lap.

Arizona turns toward me, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "Can I see you tonight? Maybe for dinner. Just the three of us?" I give her my best smile, trying to keep my emotions at bay. After everything I have said to her and everything I have done, after coming here and saying horrible things to her and blaming her for my problems, she is not pushing me away. She has trusted me in her house, trusted me with her past, trusted me with her family. I pass her baby off to her and lean in, brushing my lips against her cheek. Her eyes shutter closed and a smile spreads across her face.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."


	12. Chapter 12

Arizona's POV

I have been lying in bed for the last hour racking my brain over if I did the right thing or not. Callie is not with me. She is back at the hotel. And I don't know if that was the right decision. I don't know if she feels like I pushed her away or if she understands. I don't know if I upset her. She was more than polite. She hugged me after dinner and offered to help clean. But I opted for us to entertain Jacob for a while before he went to sleep. So my kitchen is still a mess. She is really great with him. And I was so comfortable. Just watching them look at each other and listening to him laugh when she tickled him or made faces at him. I loved it. I loved every second of it. But I am so protective over that little boy. I almost lost him once and, to be honest, I am not sure how much more time I get with him. And I trust Callie. But I feel like a fool sometimes for doing so. Because I don't know her as well as I want to, yet. And it scares me that there may be something that I am not seeing. Something that I am blinded to. And I can't help but feel like that is part of the reason that I have not told anyone about her. I feel like they will judge me and think that I am not keeping Jacob safe. I feel like they will say bad things about her that may or may not be true and I just don't think I want to hear any of it. And that in itself is scary. I have always been one to consider all odds and facts. I don't know why I am so drawn to her when she is so vastly different from everything I am used to. I am trying to help her and be everything I can be to Jacob and keep myself sane and… well it is catching up to me tonight I guess. Maybe I should have asked her to stay. Maybe her staying at the hotel is the best thing. Maybe I am just terrified of doing the wrong thing and pushing her away.

Three hours earlier

"Arizona, that was… amazing. Thank you so much for the invite." Callie looks incredible tonight. I have been staring at her all through dinner. Her dark hair is in loose curls that frame her face and she has been smiling… I mean really smiling… as we talk. I have seen her smile more tonight that I have this while last month. And when she smiles her eyes get brighter and softer. I just love it.

"Anytime. Thanks for the company." She and I sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes before retreating to the living room for tummy time with Jacob. As I lay him on his belly, she lays on hers in front of him and props herself up on her elbows. She talks to him like he can understand and he carries on his own conversation with her, babbling and laughing. His tummy time only lasts about 10 minutes before she has picked him up and is bouncing him on her knee with her back against the couch. The couch that I just so happen to be lying on. And her hair is in my face and her skin is just inches from my fingertips and I reach out several times to touch her but stop short. I don't know what I am scared of. Maybe moving too fast. Maybe risking her feeling like that's all I want. She interrupts my inner argument like she is reading my mind. She looks back at me and gives me the sweetest and softest smile I have seen yet.

"What you thinking about back there?"

"Hm… nothing. It's just been a nice night." She smiles at me again and turns her attention back to Jacob. I don't know if it was the smile or if I just worked up the nerve, but I propped myself up on my elbow and leaned in closely. I brushed my fingertips over the back of her neck, moving her hair and exposing her soft dark skin. She turns toward me with a question on her lips but she is silenced as I press mine to her neck. I feel her shudder under my touch and she lets out the softest sigh. My kiss is soft and lingering and I trail my hand across her shoulder and down her arm until I have wrapped her in a soft hug. When I pull away her eyes are closed and she leans back into my retreating touch. And as quickly as it happened it was over. Jacob babbled again and pulled us both out of our reverie.

"You have a very sweet mommy, little man." She talks to him and he laughs, causing me to smile and relax back into the sofa. I can tell that she is debating something in her head when she is silent for a moment.

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head which worries me a little. I place my hand on her shoulder and feel her relax. She looks at Jacob but addresses me, "What's next? After this? Where do we go from here?"

"Well… I think you should answer that. What do you want?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"I kind of don't."

She takes a deep breath. "I like this, Arizona. A lot. And I don't have a lot of experience talking so I am going to sound stupid… but… I just wish things were different. That we were different. Well… me. Not you. You are perfect."

"I'm not perfect, Callie."

"But you are. And I would be lying if I said that it's not intimidating and scary, how perfect you are. I'm scared. Like… very. That I will mess it up or that I am not good enough. And I am scared of what that means. I'm scared of how much I care. It makes me want to be different. I just don't know how right now. I don't want to have to rely on you. You have your own life that you are building. I just want to give back some of what you have given to me. If nothing else, I want that. I have been writing lately, something I haven't done in years. You have made me want to. And the fact that you trust me, here, with you, with him, it just… well you have no idea what that means to me. I swore that last time was the last time I got close to anyone… She was a great girl. Kind of like you. She offered me everything. And I hurt her. I just couldn't live up to what she was, what she wanted in another person. And I missed my chance. I missed my chance for happiness. Until you. I lie awake at night thinking about what I can do to repay you and what I can offer that you don't already have times 10. And when those old feelings start creeping in and ruining me, you seem to stay. You send flowers or you say the sweetest thing I have ever heard or you touch me and it just seems to make everything worth it. Even when I feel like you should run away from me screaming, you stay. I know I have pushed you away and I am not sure that I won't try to do it again out of fear and insecurity. But I don't want to. I want you to know that. That I don't want to make the same mistakes. That I don't want the life I have been living. Because you deserve better. In a perfect world I would have a house or an apartment and a perfect job so that you both could come to my house for dinner and I could have a crib for him for when you are too tired to drive home. And then you just wouldn't drive home, one day. You would stay." She drops her head and laughs. "Kind of ahead of myself, huh?"

I smile and kiss her clothed shoulder. "Maybe a little." She smiles and nods her head.

"Thought so."

"I think that is very sweet, though. I am very flattered." She nods again. "Let's just see where things go, ok?" She doesn't speak for what feels like minutes.

"I don't want to do it anymore." Her voice is rushed.

"Do what?"

"You know what I'm talking about. I don't want to do it. I won't do it anymore. I know that isn't what you want for your life. And I wouldn't even want someone like me to be around him." she nods to Jacob and pulls him into her body protectively. "So I don't even know why you have trusted me this much. But I made the decision. And I made it on my own, which is the only way that I stick to anything. And I won't do it." I try to finds the words to say to comfort her and reassure her but everything that I think of sounds condescending. And a few seconds later, she rescues me. "I have done it before, ya know. Stopped. And I was really happy. But something always ended up happening and I went back for the money. I stopped for two whole years a few years ago. After she left me. I was determined and driven and I had a job. A decent job. And I liked it. But she didn't come back and I didn't see the point anymore. I wasn't making as much as my good weeks on the street and I didn't see the point. But I can stop. I want you to know that. Last time I stopped I got my driver's license and I took classes to finish school. It was a really good time for me. So I know I can do it. I know I can do it for me. And for you and him." We are both silent. "I'm going to stop, Arizona."

I sit up and put my legs on either side of her body, wrapping my arms around her and Jacob both. She leans into me as I put my head on her shoulder and hold her tightly. "I'm proud of you." She nods and moved out of my grasp, turning and sitting Jacob in my lap.

"I am going to get going. Ok?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yea. But I only agree to leave if you give me another date to look forward to." I smile and we plan to meet in two days since I have a late shift tomorrow. It is darker than either of us realizes when we get to the door, so I convince her to allow me to drive her to the hotel. We say quick goodbyes and she is in the building before I have a chance to change my mind about her staying there.

Present time

I could replay tonight in my head over and over again. I loved her being here. And all I can do is be open and honest with her and hope that I am doing the right thing.

Just as I resign myself to sleep, my phone rings. I pick it up before it can wake Jacob. Her voice is on the other end. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No… I was just laying down, thinking."

"Yea, I was afraid of that. Look, I feel like something was wrong when I left. I just want you to know that there is no pressure. Ok? This doesn't have to be for you. It can be for me. If that makes you feel better. I don't want you to think that you have to walk on eggshells because I will crumble if you decide you don't want this."

"Callie…"

"No… just give me a second. Please. You have been amazing. And if you decide to move on and find someone else or not find someone else, I will be ok. You don't owe me anything. It is time that I do this for me. You are just a beautiful distraction. A welcome distraction." I wait a few seconds to make sure I don't interrupt.

"I want this."

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure."

"What was wrong tonight, then?"

"I think I am just worried that I will do the wrong thing. That I will say the wrong thing and set you back or won't do enough." I hear her sigh.

"Maybe it's time to show you that I won't break. Maybe it's time that I am strong for someone else. For you. Sleep well, Arizona."


	13. Chapter 13

Callie's POV

The trashcan is filled with hotel stationary that I have discarded in a futile attempt to put my thoughts on paper. I know what I want to say it's just hard getting the right words. It hasn't always been hard for me but it hasn't always been easy either. I usually write when I am happy. Which I know is kind of opposite. But I don't like keeping memoirs of the bad times. Those are easier to throw away before they make it to the paper. The good times though, those are the ones that I want to remember. The ones that I want to keep. Times aren't exactly the best right now. I have been better. But I have found a whole new reason to write.

My desk is made up of the hotel pen, a few notepads from the hotel that I sweet talked the cleaning lady into bringing me, and the flowers that Arizona sent me which have now turned almost black. More of the petals adorn the wood desk top than still hang from the stem. But I like it this way. I wouldn't trade these flowers for ten new bouquets. They are pretty special to me.

This past week has been one to remember. I have had dinner with Arizona twice but she has been pretty busy at work lately so I haven't seen her in a few days. I have been half way to the bus stop probably five times since the last time I saw her before I made myself turn around. Every time I start to think about her I just want to rush out and go see her. I want to tell her all of the things in my head and hug her again and be with her. But I have been able to talk myself out of it. I want to wait until she asks me. I want to know that she wants me there.

Arizona and I talk every day. She calls me at night and I call her sometimes when I have something "important" to tell her. Which is usually an update of the television shows I watched that day. She entertains my rambling but she knows why I call. I miss her. I haven't actually said those words but I do. All the time. I have put in more job applications this week. Having the hotel phone helps to fill the lines on the paper. But no one has actually used that number yet to call me back. I am trying to keep my hopes up, though. I jot a few more words down on my notepad but just like before, the paper is crumpled up and sent hurdling toward the trashcan. I'm not all that good at writing, to be honest. I wish I were. Because I love it. But it takes some work. And a lot of thought. And when I am stuck like I am now I think back to my favorite times. I haven't made a lot with her. Yet. But I definitely have my favorites. One of them was at our last dinner…

_"Callie, you have been quiet all through dinner, what's going on?" She has put her fork down and is staring at me, waiting for a response._

_"Nothing is wrong. Just don't have much to say I guess."_

_"Did I say something? Are you feeling ok? Did something happen?"_

_"No… nothing. Nothing is wrong. Just drop it, ok?" Arizona purses her lips and raises and eyebrow at me. _

_"Alright, well if that is how it's going to be then Jacob and I will turn in early tonight. Thank you for coming, Calliope. I enjoyed spending time with you."_

_"You are telling me to leave?"_

_"No. Not at all. I am just saying that I don't want to play this game of cat and mouse where I pressure and you pull back and I pressure some more and you blow up. If you don't want to talk then don't talk. But you can't just push me away. I'm not going to let you. I'm not going to let you run away. I'm not going to be the bad guy. I ask what's wrong because I want to know. Because I want to help. And you know that. You are a master at this escape plan that you have. You don't let anyone in. We have to sneak in through holes you didn't know were there. But it's exhausting. For me and for you. You will learn that I'm not the bad guy one of these days, Callie." And she was right. _

_"I'm sorry. You are right. You always are."_

_"Tell me what's wrong."_

_"I just don't know where to go, now. I made you this promise. A promise that I want to keep and that I am determined to keep. It just doesn't seem very realistic. I can't live off of you forever. I can't just come here and have you cook for me everyday and have you send food to my room when you work late. And it's scary, the next step. Putting myself out there is scary. Because what if I fail? What if I don't get a job or what if I do and I can't keep it or what if…"_

_"Yea, what if. What if I get in a freak bull riding accident and lose my hands and can't practice medicine anymore." _

_I look at Arizona stunned as she stares back, her eyes challenging me to question her. I shake my head in confusion. "Ok. First of all. I am pretty sure that bulls don't rip off hands. And second of all, I am pretty sure that you have never ridden a bull in your life."_

_"You are pretty sure?"_

_"Yes… I am pretty sure…"_

_"Well I am pretty sure that you are amazing, Calliope. I am pretty sure that you are smart and talented and resourceful. And I am pretty sure that you can do any damn thing that you put your mind to. I am pretty sure of that." I sit back and narrow my eyes at her when I realize what she has done. _

_"Hey, was that that reverse psychology shit that you geniuses always do?" We both smile and she stands up, crossing the distance between us. _

_"That was not reverse psychology, my dear. And I am not a genius. That was the truth. And it is about time someone told your stubborn ass the truth." She seals her insult with a kiss on my forehead. When she pulls away our eyes lock just before my gaze drops to the smile playing on her lips. _

_"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She doesn't answer. Rather she winks at me and turns away, raising Jacob out of his high chair and walking into the living room. _

_"Come on, you. The movie is waiting."_

That was a good night. We ended the night laying on her sofa, watching Jacob sleep. The movie she picked out was lost on us. But neither of us minded. I was just enjoying being with them. And surprisingly I really think she felt the same.

And then, as if a switch was flipped somewhere, the words were all there. The paper in front of me was filled and wasn't in a ball on the floor. She really is my inspiration. I was content to revel in my accomplishment for a few minutes, reading the words over and over again, checking for mistakes, when the phone rang. I knew it would be her. It is always her. I pick up the phone without even saying hello. "Arizona, you will never guess. I finished it! I finished the song. And it is all because of you." I expect to hear her sweet voice full of praise and pride. But I don't hear that. The voice on the line isn't even hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry... Yes, this is Callie…" I listen to his voice for several seconds, steadying myself with the bed. "Ok. Thank you for calling." I hang up the phone and let out the breath that I had been holding. I pick up the phone again and try to dial her number but the tears flooding my eyes prohibit it which frustrates me. I slam the phone down and sit back against the headboard. I wish she was here.

Arizona's POV

I have been trying to reach Callie since I left work and she won't pick up. That worries me. There are only so many places that she could be and they all make me cringe when I think about them. So I try not to. When I start to worry I think about the good things. Instead of thinking about where she might be I think about those eyes. The ones that give me the chills when they lock onto mine. I think about the smell of her hair and the softness of her skin. I think about her gorgeous mouth and perfect cheeks. And if that isn't a distraction then I don't know what is. I can't deny that the woman is stunning. And I do have faith in her. Missing a few phone calls won't change that. She deserves to have someone believe in her. But I would be a fool not to be cautious and worry. She just seems so different. And I have to believe we met for a reason.

I distract myself with the radio on the rest of my drive home. She will call. I know she will. I have to trust her. I pull into the driveway and park on the side of Sarah's car. I grab my jacket and quickly right out her check, hurrying to the door. And then I see Callie. Pacing on my porch.

"Damnit." This has proven to be a bad sign. I don't know what has happened but I prepare myself for the onslaught that I am sure I am about to receive. I know she saw me drive up but she has yet to look at me. So I slowly scale the steps and stop when I am within feet of her. "Callie?" She looks up at me her eyes are dark, fiery. And before I have a chance to utter another word, her hands are on my face. But not in anger or fear. Her touch is rough but passionate. Her eyes only break from mine when they flutter closed and her mouth crashes into mine. My gasp is cut short by the feel of her warm lips moving over me. Quickly at first but then slow and soft. I close my eyes and allow her control. She spins me and my back finds my front door. Her hands hold my mouth to hers and I am flooded with her smell and her taste and the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Her kiss quickens and she bites softly on my bottom lip but soothes it with a soft run of her tongue. As one hand slides behind my neck, both of mine find her waist and hold her to me. Her gentle bites and the feel of her lips over mine cause my heart to race and my breath to quicken. The only sound that I hear are our ragged breaths until she breaks the silence with a soft moan. My hands tighten around her and I deepen the kiss the way she had before. My teeth find her bottom lip and her tongue is on mine. She slows me by pulling away and running her thumb over my lips. My eyes open just quickly enough to see her lean in for several more softer, more innocent kisses. And when she pulls away the last time we are both left breathless. She swallows hard and slows her breathing, opening her eyes to find mine. Her eyes are much softer and bright. It takes seconds before I slow my breathing enough to speak. She is patient, and sweet, and gentle, running her thumbs across my cheeks and softly smiling.

"Callie… what…." She cuts me off. Her voice is thick and raspy.

"Baby…I got the job."


End file.
